


Under grey skies

by RedgraveQueen



Category: Holby City
Genre: AU, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Elinor Lives, F/F, Fluff, Smut, Very AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-01-06 05:20:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12204684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedgraveQueen/pseuds/RedgraveQueen
Summary: This is very AU. Ages/situations and facts are very different.





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue-  
Bernie wolfe can hardly remember what she wanted from life when she was young. Well, perhaps thats a slight fabrication of the truth. But remembering hurts; so she often chooses to steer clear. It's now fast approaching her 40th Birthday and it all seems so long ago. Somewhat of a blare. One thing she's sure of though, She never wanted this. 

If she digs deep enough in her memory, and allows herself a little bravery, she may recall that as a child she'd dreamt of being a doctor. A Surgeon even. As a teen her aspirations had grown...What better than being a medic... in the army? Yes, that's what she'd wanted to do. Go to university, train as a doctor. Have a life- An exciting life. Then, she would train for the army, go overseas, help people. She'd Make something of herself. Unlike her friends, she'd never really dreamed of finding the person of her dreams. And she certainly hadn't found them. Instead, she'd found surly sixth former Marcus Dunn. Her friends had persuaded her to date him and although she'd never been one to succumb to peer pressure it had seemed like the 'normal' thing to do. 

When she'd fallen pregnant at 16 her aspirations were destroyed. Kicked out of her home and forced into council accommodation- with little support- school was no longer an option. The rest of her dreams? They were nothing more than a laugh. As if. As if a girl like her could ever make something of her self. And now? At very nearly 40, with 5 children, an insufferable husband and no job? She'd resigned herself to the fact that her life was all but over. 

That is until, the lady next door drops dead and a very strange series of events threatens to change her life beyond all recognition. a new family wafts into the flat next door, bringing with it no one other than the wonderfully outrageous Serena Campbell who offers Bernie a whole new perspective on life. 

...................................................................................................................................  
17th October. Manchester.

"THE DELMERE ESTATE? THE DELMERE ESTATE?! PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS ONE OF YOUR SICK JOKES?" 

Spat a red faced Serena Campbell, practically throwing her keys across the table at her unsuspecting husband. Nether the less, he wore a calm, unbothered expression on his ageing face. 

"Serena. You know what state the business is in. We just can't keep up the payments on this place. But you already know that. None of us are happy about it love. But there's just no other option." 

"Well then, you'll just have to THINK of another option. I am not taking my children to that place Edward. I'm not!"

She was practically screaming now. Any self respecting woman would understand why. The Delmere was famous for being one of, if not 'the', roughest estate in Manchester. Notorious for gang culture and boasting a multitude of other less than pleasant features. She had to admit though- she was struggling to think of an alternative herself. 

"There's always my mothers..."

His voice lacked conviction. He already knew the answer.

"JUST GET OUT OF MT SIGHT" 

She crossed her arms on the wooden table, leant against them and sobbed.

............................................................................................................................. 

The sun was already setting over the estate. Bernie peered over the mess on the windowsill and gazed longingly at the colourful sky. She was late making tea but felt some relief that she only had 5 mouths to feed tonight as a pose to the usual 7. 4 if she didn't include herself- she'd perhaps just grab some toast later in the evening. She didn't need to worry about her oldest two boys (in terms of food anyway) as they we're out with their elusive mates who she never saw but heard about plenty.

Charlotte, who had just turned 13 and thought she was practically a grown up, was sulking over some homework in her room; Her younger boys- josh 15 and Dan 11-were playing on some increasingly noisy games console in the front room and Her husband Marcus wasn't due back from work for another hour. She savoured the piece in moments like this. Usually she would make herself a brew and haul herself up onto the worktop for a better view of the sunset but she'd just realised she ran out of teabags. Shame. She'd make do with water. 

She pondered over what exactly she was going to make for tea. Marcus worked at a garage in the city centre and although he denied it profusely- his wife was sure he spent half of his minimum wage in the pub on the way home. Money was tight- which meant they were constantly low on supplies. Bernie (though she'd tired of pushing the subject) wanted a job for herself more than anything else. How wonderful life would be if she could go out,serve a purpose and bring home a wage of her own. Her husband wouldn't hear of the idea though. He insisted he would be the one to provide for his wife and children but she was a clever woman and she knew the real reason behind his plight was not solely (if at all) that. She knew that he liked her at home, where he knew where she was. Where there was no chance of her making a life for herself- god forbid spending time with people other than him. She struggled to admit it to herself but deep down she knew she was becoming a prisoner in her own home. The most exciting part of the week had faded to the weekly trip to the local supermarket, a fact that brought tears to her eyes. She wouldn't let them spill down her cheeks though. She wouldn't show him she cared. She was stronger than that. 

The kitchen door suddenly flung open, making her jump and distracting her (quite welcomely) from her miserable train of thought. In strutted Charlotte, complete with lashings of badly applied makeup, her long hair pulled into a messy bun on top of her head. Her appearance told that her homework was obviously long forgotten.

"Whats for tea mum? I'm starving" 

She complained, leaning against a washed and newly folded pile of laundry. Bernie winced as it toppled onto the kitchen floor. Charlotte made no attempt to recover it and instead, rolled her eyes through her mothers half hearted telling off. She gave up- She'd do it herself later, like she did everything else.

"Does anyone have any respect for me in this house?" 

She said quietly as he daughter strutted out of the room the same way she had entered, moaning about the lack of food. She said it quietly for she didn't require an answer. She already had it. And she didn't like it. 

Marcus was in a good mood when he finally returned home- long after the beans on toast had been consumed and the youngest three were settled in front of cartoons. The house work had been completed and Bernie had too settled (In the kitchen-reading-away from the chaos). She knew he had been drinking and his mood could tip at any second but for now she would remain calm, try to hold on to the peaceful atmosphere she had tried so hard to create. 

"Alright gorgeous? You had a good day?" 

He pushed kiss against her hot cheek. She had to laugh. What kind of day had she had? Well, the same day as yesterday if he must know... actually the day before was pretty similar too.. and...

"What's so funny?" 

"Nothing! I'm just glad you're back that's all!" 

She moved over to the counter and began preparing his supper. He would have to make do with beans on toast too- it was his fault they were in this predicament after all. Luckily his mood prevailed and he ate it without complains and spent a good half an hour disturbing her reading with tiresome stores from work...or maybe the pub...she wasn't really listening. 

She was intrigued however when josh called in from the front room: 

"Mum... you know how that old bag next door croaked it?!" 

"JOSH! That's not a nice expression- Mary was lovely!"

"She smelled.. anyway, I think someone's moving in!" 

Marcus looked up from his racing paper.

"What already?"

She rolled her eyes as they congregated around the window. 

"Come away you lot- they'll see you spying!" 

Despite this, she couldn't help herself joining them some five minutes later, as the sound of the commotion outside filled the house. She observed two men (one easily in his forties and one about the same age as Cameron, early twenties) dragging suitcases from a car. A woman emerged from the house a second later, supporting a horrified expression. She was attractive and fairly well dressed, wearing a loose blouse over a black camisole and jeans. Bernie couldn't imagine why a woman like her would want to live in a place like this. Thinking about it- the answer was obvious. She didn't have a choice. Nobody on this bloody this estate had a choice. Nobody would choose to be here, in these poorly maintained houses, towered over by high rise flats, harassed by kids in hoods. As the family trailed off into the house next door, with what looked like the last of their belongings, she noticed a young girl still leant against the car they had arrived in. She was probably about Charlottes age but dressed much older and looked almost as surly and horrified as the woman that Bernie presumed to be her mother. 

"I AM NOT STAYING HERE! THIS IS INSANE! I FEEL LIKE IM IN HELL" 

She bellowed: as her father took her arm gently and pulled her into the house. 

A good hour later, the argument was still unfolding, clearly audible through the paper thin walls. Her youngest three were in bed now (though she doubted they would sleep through this bedlam) and Marcus had disappeared off to the late shop, most probably in search of more alcohol. She cursed herself for being nosey but she could hardly help it. The voices were growing louder, faster and angrier by the second. Her and Marcus had some rows but wow... this was something else. She'd listen for so long she was beginning to be able tell the voices apart.

"IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT! IM GOING TO MY MUMS, LIKE WE SHOULD HAVE DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE, IF YOU HADN'T BEEN SO FUCKING STUBBORN"

came the voice of the older man. 

"GOOD PLAN EDWARD!! FUCK OFF BACK TO MUMMIES. LEAVE ME TO DEAL WITH THE MESS YOU'VE GOT US ALL IN" 

"WELL IF DADS GOING THEN SO AM I!!" 

Bernie watched the young girl follow her father out towards the car. The woman made it halfway down the path but stopped suddenly and made no effort to go further. She waited until her daughter was in the car before she opened her mouth once again. 

"You take Ellie to your mums. Don't worry about me. To be quite Frank Edward, i'd rather be alone in this absolute shit hole than be in that house under your mothers control" 

He did exactly what she asked and Bernie suddenly felt incredibly sorry for the woman (who she'd gathered was called 'Sabrina'...or maybe 'Serena?"). She was comforted when she saw the other man (who'd she'd actually forgotten about- strangely enough she hadn't heard his voice once throughout the whole argument) appear by her side. 

"Don't worry Auntie Serena. You're not alone. I'm still here. We'll be ok.. won't we?"

(Thanks so much for reading the first chapter! I know this is very out there so please leave a comemmt and let me know what you think! Your feedback means so much)


	2. Chapter 2

Bernie woke suddenly, after a strange and incomprehensible dream. Marcus' arm was draped uncomfortably across her chest and the room was stiflingly hot. She pushed his hand off her breast and rolled to the far side of the bed, turning her head away from her sleeping husband. She wrapped her arms around her slim body, wincing as she grazed her fingers over a tender spot on her hipbone. She'd forgotten about that bruise. 

On the other side of the wall, a weary Serena Campbell was in a similar position- though her arms were wrapped around herself for warmth rather than comfort. She didn't remember falling to sleep but the numbers on the digital clock beside her bed told her that she'd been out of it for nearly six hours. It had quietened down considerably when Edward had left with Elinor. Perhaps she was better off at her grandmas anyway. Perhaps Edward was better off as far away from her as possible. She may not be able to resist strangling him otherwise. Jason had been upset, his autism meant that any kind of change was distressing for him and the past few days had caused some rather significant changes to almost every aspect of his life. So she'd endeavoured to make the evening as normal as possible. As normal as being in a horrible, cramped council house, sat amongst their boxed possessions would allow. The TV wasn't yet connected so they had listened to a quiz show on the radio then he'd told her about 'doctor who' as they devoured two pot noodles. She'd heard about this episode a millions times but still, she listened and feigned interest, knowing talking about it calmed him down. Made him feel safe. She didn't feel safe. The walls were damp and the floor was dirty (she planned to do a deep clean that afternoon) and the hooded teenagers that congregated on the path outside- swearing and smoking- made her stomach churn. How the hell had her life ended up like this? 

She began to drift back off to sleep but a commotion outside disturbed her rest. She peered out of the clouded window and observed three teenagers clad in school uniform making down the path next door. The appeared unruly and obviously belonged to the nosey woman who was gawping at her from the window the previous night, no doubt judging and sniggering behind her curtains. In reality, Serena's thoughts couldn't have been further from the truth. Bernie had never been one to judge and certainly didn't feel in a position to look down on anyone. Her own family life was far from perfect. No, on the contrary, she'd spent the night feeling sorry (worrying even) about a woman she didn't know. She'd looked so sad, so desperate. If Bernie was an affectionate women she may even have had the urge to go out and take her in her arms. But she wasn't, so that was that. 

The kids had left for the school bus so Bernie and her husband were once again uncomfortably alone together. To make matters worse he wasn't due In work for another couple of hours and she knew what he'd want. Not that he'd need that long. She sniggered at the thought as she set about busying herself in the kitchen. She washed the breakfast pots thoroughly and dried them slowly, talking up as much time as possible. It was in vain. She stifled a grunt (of distaste, not pleasure) as he snaked his arms around her skinny shoulders, fondling her breasts roughly through her bra. She wracked her brains. She couldn't say she was 'on' as she'd used that one last week. A headache? Maybe not. She realised then that she was fast running out of excuses to avoid making love to her husband... what a wonderful life she was living. She'd never particularly enjoyed sex with Marcus. When she was younger she'd decided that she just wasn't a very sexual person but as she'd got older she'd realised that it was the person that was the problem rather than sex. It was becoming harder to tolerate as she was getting older and she found herself making excuses time and time again. He was so rough with her. Made her feel like an object, a doll rather than a woman. 

"Not now love. I'm busy" 

He spun his wife to face him, an angry look occupying his face. 

"If not now, when? Because you're always fucking busy these days"

She was bright enough to allow just the right amount of fear to cross her face and his voice softened. He pushed her fridge back behind her ears. 

"I love you Bern, I just want to be close to you" 

Serena pulled her cardigan tightly around herself as she ventured into the unkept garden (the term 'jungle' may have been more appropriate) with the intention of crafting herself a makeshift washing line. She was distracted however by sharp movement from the kitchen window of the adjoining house. She noticed the man and woman she had seen the previous night. At fist glance it looked as if they were enjoying a steamy session in the kitchen. The man had his wife up against the sink, his hand in her blonde tresses. He let go slowly and began pressing kisses down her pale neck, his hand now wandering her body. In the window of all places. Serena was about to tut and turn away when a strange feeling crept over her. She looked back once more and noticed that the woman was rigid, unmoving. She certainly wasn't enjoying it as much as he was. Something about the way he had her pressed against the sink make her feel uneasy. It looked so wrong. So uncomfortable. She thought fast. 

"Come on baby, you know you want this. Just loosen up, yeah?"

Just as Bernie had decided it would be easier to go along with what he wanted, they were disturbed by a knock on the door. She tore herself away and made for the hall, heaving a sigh of relief. Whoever it was, she'd prolong the visit for as long as she could. She didn't know who she expected at this time but she was considerably surprised to see the new lady from next door standing before her. She was dressed smartly, as she was the previous day. This time, she wore a floaty black blouse with a fashionable white pattern. Bernie decided it looked expensive. Up close, her face was much kinder. She outstretched a hand towards Bernie, totally disregarding Marcus who had moved to stand on the step before her. 

"Can I help you?" 

He said sternly, unsmiling. 

Serena chose to ignore him and kept her eyes firmly on the other woman. She'd decided she was probably about 40 and very attractive with thick luscious curls toppling over dark, alluring eyes. She returned her smile. 

"My name is Serena... Serena Campbell. I think you've already gathered we've.. I've.. moved in next door. With my nephew Jason" 

Bernie opened her mouth to introduce herself but her husband beat her to it. 

"I'm Marcus... oh and this is my wife Berenice" 

She noticed with indigence that he added her as an after thought 

"It's Bernie." 

She said flatly. 

"Now, if there's nothing else?"

Bernie screwed her face up involuntarily in embarrassment at her husbands rudeness. Serena didn't appear phased however. 

"It's awfully cheeky of me but you wouldn't happen to have any spare tea bags would you? I haven't been shopping yet and I'm gasping for a brew!" 

Bernie's face burnt red. Probably for the first time ever, she didn't have any teabags. 

"Oh.. um.. no I don't actually. Usually I have a stock in but..." 

She searched the air and thought on her feet. She wasn't in the mood to be left alone with Marcus. He'd pissed her off quite enough for one day. 

"But... I do have some coffee. Would you like to come in? I'm dying for a brew too." 

She felt smug as her husband tensed beside her, knowing that he wasn't going to get his wish, for now anyway. She lead Serena inside and straight through to the kitchen, kicking the boys trainers under the coffee table as she walked past. She was pleased that Marcus hadn't followed and had disappeared upstairs, clearly in a sulk. Serves him right for being so forceful, she decided. Serena observed that although Bernie's house was as small and cramped as hers and contained the moderate clutter that comes with a big family, It was rather cozy and pleasant. She perched on a dining chair at the other woman's gesture and was suddenly stuck for something to say. She could hardly come out with what was really on the tip of her tongue:

'I've come round to see if you're ok because from where I was standing it looked as if your husband was trying to force him self upon you' 

No, she certainly couldn't say that. After a few seconds of slightly uncomfortable silence, Bernie was the one to break the ice, so to speak.

"So. What brings you to the estate?"

"Financial difficulties" 

She said quickly but instantly regrets it. How rude of her. She blushed but the other woman did not appear offended. Instead, she smiled. 

"Yeah, us too. Though we've been here a while now.. it's not too bad. Well, it is but you get used to it."

She laughed uncertainly and handed Serena a coffee (that she'd made in the nicest mug she could find). After that, the conversation began to flow easily. Serena even disclosed a few snippets of information regarding the fight the previous evening. Bernie listened with genuine interest. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a proper conversation with another woman of a similar age. That's one of the things that she'd missed since the children had gone to high school. Chatting with the other mothers in the playground, even going for coffees in school hours and arranging play dates. Bernie pretended she'd not heard anything of the argument to save Serena's blushes but both women knew she was fibbing. She was just building up the courage to prod into what she'd seen from the garden but Marcus interrupted, looming in the doorway. No matter how uncomfortable he intentionally made her feel, Serena showed a clear reluctance to leave. She wanted to talk to this lady, make sure she was alright. And she had to admit, she was enjoying the company. Something had tipped in Bernie's mind and she began to suspect the reason behind Serena's unexpected visit. She'd noticed her outside earlier- she must have seen. And something in the way she was looking between her and Marcus had confirmed it. As much as she was touched and was undoubtably enjoying company of the other woman, she could feel Marcus' temper rising. The last thing she wanted was for this lovely, polite lady to witness an eruption. She stood suddenly and moved the now empty cups over to the sink. 

"Well, it's been lovely talking to you Serena... please do come again" 

She started towards the door to encourage the other woman. She knew she was acting impolitely but it was better than the alternative. Serena complied but shot Bernie a look as she crossed the threshold. She just hoped she understood. When she got home, she pressed her ear to the wall. Total Silence. She wasn't sure weather that was a good sign or not. 

 

(Sorry if this is a little rushed- I really wanted to get this up asap! Please please leave a comment and let me know what you think!


	3. Feelings that perplex us

Serena's first day in her new abode was a long one. Jason had been at college most of the day so she'd been alone. Apart from the pleasant half hour she'd spent next door, chatting and drinking instant coffee with her reserved but lovely neighbour. A lady she was growing increasingly worried about. She tried to tell herself she was probably just over thinking the situation, creating a problem where there wasn't one because in all honesty, she was becoming mind numbingly bored. She was sure of what she had seen though. The husband hadn't seemed pleased when she'd knocked at the door and interrupted and on the contrary, the wife (who she learnt was called Bernie) had been keen to invite her inside. Did that mean she had wanted (what ever it was that was happening) to be interrupted? Did she want someone to be there, between the presence of herself and her (quite frankly insufferable) husband? Or was she just over thinking again? Perhaps the woman just wanted a friend, as she did. It was strange though, the whole experience. Once they'd got over the initial awkwardness, they'd settled into a rather pleasant chat. Perhaps the term 'friendly' would be a bit advanced but neighbourly? Yes, neighbourly. She wasn't sure about that rowdy flock of children and already had a strong dislike for that arrogant arse hole but she was sure Bernie was going to be a perfectly amicable neighbour. Perhaps one day even a friend? She reminded herself once again not to get carried away. 

She'd spent the afternoon cleaning the house. It shouldn't have taken her long as the house was uncomfortably small but the grime that was left behind from the previous owner was rather disgusting. Bernie had mentioned that the lady had been very old, hence why the place was in such a state. She'd spent the remainder of the day setting up the TV set- so Jason had retired into the front room and appeared contented in front of one of his precious DVD's. so much for company. She was disappointed to find that she'd polished off any remaining Shiraz the previous night so she decided a trip to the shop is was in order. The only problem was, she had absolutely no idea where the nearest shop was. A thought crept across her mind. Could she really venture around to next door an ask for directions? If she was honest she'd been searching for an opportunity to go round all afternoon, mainly to make sure Bernie was alright. She decided to chance it. 

Marcus was presumably in the pub. The kids had dispersed. The sound of knocking echoed through the silent, darkening living room. Marcus always told her to use the safety chain when she was in alone but Bernie rarely followed his advice. As weak as she felt to the power of her husband, she had little fear of the things that lay outside. She'd never been an anxious person and had always preferred to tackle things head on. She opened the door confidently and was met by a warm smile. 

"Oh! Serena? Hello!" 

"Hi"

Bernie looked tired and was clad in a silky purple dressing gown, her hair tied up in a towel. Serena felt immediately guilty for disturbing her so late in the evening. 

"I'm so sorry to disturb you at this time!"

Bernie shook her head surely, the friendly smile not leaving her lips.

"No, don't be silly! It's no bother at all. Can I help you?" 

"I was just wondering if you could tell me where the nearest shop was? I need some...er... supplies" 

"Oh, well their is an off-licence just around the corner"

She pointed vaguely in the direction of the high rise flats to the left of them.

"But that's only good for cigarettes and alcohol really, so you'll probably want the little convenience store..."

She set about giving directions but Serena had already made her decision. The off-licence would be perfectly sufficient for what she needed right now. She thanked Bernie gratefully before setting off in the direction of the flats. She'd find it. The pull of wine would magnetise her. 

"Serena?" 

She was taken aback as she turned and saw Bernie venturing down the path behind her. 

"Be careful. There's a lot of undesirables hanging around these parts at this time."

Before she could reply, Bernie had disappeared back into the house, slamming the door behind her. A strange feeling came about Serena once again, the same one she had encountered when Bernie had invited her in that morning. She wasn't entirely sure what it was or if indeed she liked it. There was something about that woman that fascinated her and she couldn't quite but her finger on it. 

Bernie was certainly right about the said 'undesirables'. The untidy streets of the estate were littered with groups of what Ellie would describe as 'chavs'. Hooded kids, some of which could be no older than about 9. What were their mothers thinking? They rode bikes without helmets and shouted obscenities- some of which were directed towards her as she walked quickly past. She couldn't suppress the feeling of overwhelming gladness that she had let her daughter be taken away from here. She worried for Jason though. She certainly couldn't let him out on his own around here. She encountered a man, clearly 'off his face' on drugs on entrance to the shop, a bottle of whiskey tucked under his filthy looking jacket. Surely they hadn't served him in that state? Had he stolen it? She would have thought that impossible in shops these days, wasn't everything like that behind the counter? She decided it would be safer to break the habit of a life time and just stay well out of it. Where the hell had Edward left her? How the bloody, sodding hell had her life been reduced to a place like this? It was as if she had been chewed up and deposited in a whole new world all together. A strange, alternate reality where everything was different and nothing made sense. 

After purchasing her wine, she ventured back into the darkness, suddenly unsure of which direction she had approached from. At that moment, the Warmth and safety of her (quite frankly horrible) little house seemed rather appealing. She longed to be on that stained sofa, with her nephew by her side- enjoying the familiarity of one of his annoying DVD's blaring from the TV. In all truthfulness, she would actually rather be anywhere other than lost these dark, cold streets, littered with thugs, tramps and druggies. She began to feel rather sick. How the hell could she have forgotten where she'd come from? it had been merely a five minute walk. But the darkness had really fallen during the short time she had been in the shop. All of the maze like, stupidly named streets looked eerily the same now. 

Bernie lent against the window. She realised she hadn't moved since she watched Serena wander out of sight some 20 minutes previously. Was she subconsciously waiting for her to return? She shook the thought off, almost laughing at herself. She'd known this woman for merely a day and she was already concerned about her whereabouts. Was she going soft? She told herself wholeheartedly that it was plainly because she knew what a dangerous place the estate could be. Yes that was it. That was why she was staring out into the darkness, willing the familiar figure to emerge from under the street lights. 

Instead however, a somewhat more undesirable figure stumbled down the street into view. Marcus. His walk told that 'pissed out of his head' was probably an understatement. She rolled her eyes involuntarily. She knew her husband well enough to know he would mean he'd be either angry or overly affectionate. She didn't particularly fancy either prospect. She couldn't be arsed with him in one of his horrible moods and she certainly couldn't be arsed with him trying to get her on her back. She decided she'd pretend to be asleep, with the hope that he'd leave her alone. A trick that wasn't being played for the first time. Sometimes it worked and he'd leave her be- other times he'd 'wake her up' and either shout at her (for something- anything the alcohol persuaded him to accuse her of) or try it on. Or occasionally demand his supper making. Well, she was no slave, nor would she allow her prick of a husband to treat her like one. She threw her dressing gown off and tucked herself under the duvet. She heard him crash into the hallway, and suppressed a sly chuckle at the sound of him cluttering over obstacles in his way. She heard the kettle click on in the kitchen and decided he was probably helping himself to a pot noodle. Hopefully he'd pass out after that. On the sofa preferably. She heard her youngest, dan, in the kitchen, asking for food. She thought he'd been asleep for hours. Teenage boys seemed to have an disposal unit in place of their normal digestive system- he'd already had two teas. She knew not to worry- Marcus adored his kids- would never say a wrong word to them let alone lay a finger on them. Amazingly, her hopes were realised and she although he came to bed, he left her well alone, obviously through lack of energy. He passed out fully clothed on top of the duvet beside her. 

She lay perfectly still, keeping her breathing as shallow as possible until she knew he had slipped into a deep, vodka fuelled sleep. She turned her back slowly, so that she was facing the wall. She was tired due to lack of sleep the previous night but for some reason- a strange thought niggled at her and stopped her from drifting off. Although her plan had prevailed, it had prevented her from knowing if Serena had got home safely. Why was she so concerned? Why was she even thinking about it? Serena was a grown woman and had absolutely nothing at all to do with her. Unanswerable questions flickered through her mind. One more persistent, begging to to be answered than the rest. Why the hell had that damned woman been stuck on her brain ever since she had appeared at the door that afternoon? 

(Thank-you so much for reading, I hope you've enjoyed the update! Please please leave a comment and let me know what you think/ any suggestions/ requests you may have. Thanks again for your continued support: it means so much to me!


	4. Chapter 4

Once again, Serena woke with a start. As if something had woken her- a noise maybe? This estate certainly wasn't a quiet place to be. She seemed to have been drifting between sleep and consciousness for hours, almost unaware of her surroundings. But something had disturbed her, properly. She had drunk a lot last night- when she'd finally found her way home. Strangely, it had been thanks to the dickhead from next door. She'd spotted him, stumbling back from the pub and had taken the initiative to follow him back. She spent the rest of the evening hoping he'd left his poor wife alone- listening for any sounds that might indicate an altercation. She was puzzled as to what she would do if there she heard something, but still: she listened. Silence was all she heard. She enjoyed the silence for (she hoped) that it meant that the lovely lady was alright and peaceful. And for some reason; that was incredibly important to her 

But something had woken her. Could it have been a sound from next door? She drew herself from her hangover and told herself with a shake of her head that once again, she was being totally ridiculous. Of course it was a sound from next door, there was a whole host of kids (she reckoned she'd counted about five- mostly secondary school age) residing in that tiny house. They were bound to make noise. And Surely their mum would be ok with all of them there? Again, came the frustrated head shake. She was probably alright anyway. Surely this was just her subconsciousness- hiding from her own problems and fixating herself with the problems of others- problems that probably didn't even exist. She rolled over and buried her throbbing head in the pillow. Sleep was what she needed right now. Not worry. 

Bernie drew her knee's up to her chest, wrapping her dressing gown around her for extra warmth. She'd given up on the almost impossible prospect of sleep at about 3 AM and had since then had retired to the living room. She'd read for a while by the light of her phone and switched to the TV at 6:00 when her eyes had become blurry. All he while she'd been alert though, straining her ears to the silence of the adjoining house. She didn't know what she expected to hear but willed for a tell tale sign that Serena had returned home safely. She knew she didn't live alone- her young nephew (who she'd learnt had autism) resided with her; but he seemed such a quiet, gentle soul. Serena on the other hand was noisy and chaotic. In the hours since she'd arrived, she'd hardly ever been silent. But it was the middle of the night. Bernie rolled her eyes in spite of herself. Why was she being so utterly ridiculous? 

Marcus woke early- which was unusual seeing as he'd been drinking the previous night. 

"What are you doing up?" 

His voice was thick and accusing and his eyes still heavy with sleep and alcohol. 

"Couldn't sleep." 

His wife replied flatly. 

She crossed her legs and pushed her book down the side of the sofa. She was reading a doctors journal- the medical world fascinated her. He didn't approve of that kind of reading material; didn't understand why it held her interest. She concluded he would be happier with her reading classics, about women who cooked and cleaned and yearned for the love of men. To her, they were perhaps the three most unappealing aspects of life. She swallowed hard. Classics had never appealed to her- not even fairy tales when she was a girl. She does remember however, on more than one occasion, pouring over the breathtaking illustrations of women. Princesses had never been her thing but she can't deny that as a young girl she had found the pictures somewhat appealing. 

'Don't allow yourself to indulge in that thought. You're too late wolfe. It's all pointless now'

she told herself sternly. It was pushed away by another thought. Her brain was once again occupied by someone else, that much more recently, she had found attractive. A thought that she pushed away almost before it had developed. She immediately deemed it as highly inappropriate. There had been other women she'd found attractive throughout the years of course. (Her English teacher...that woman off the telly... Alex, the girl who used to work behind the bar in the local...)

She turned around to face her husband and forced a smile. 

"Shall I make you a brew? Then maybe you can go back to bed- you're not working until ten are you?"

"Trying to get rid of me are we?" 

"Of course not.." 

She plastered on that fake smile. She was so good at that. 

"Good. Because I thought we could spend some time together- before the kids get up"

He lowered himself down beside her. She wished she'd wore pj bottoms but she'd been so hot the previous night a small nightly was all she could bear. His hand slipped beneath it. A surge built up in her stomach, willing her to be courageous. 

'You're not going to allow this to happen. You're NOT going to be that woman'

She repeated the sentence in her head before carefully forming another one. 

"No. I don't want to... I'm tired." 

She added her 'reason' as an after thought, almost as if to soften the blow. She dragged his hand forcefully from between her thighs and pulled herself to her feet, pride in herself sparing her on. As she disappeared into the kitchen though- a mocking laugh poured after her. He'd found the book. 

"What the fucking hell are you reading something like this for? You daft cow.."

Her cheeks burned but she emerged in the doorway, pulling her book into her own position. Big mistake. In a swift movement he pulled her into their bedroom, pushing her back against the wall just soft enough as not the hurt her but to shock her. That's usually how it played out. 

"Aw, are you going to start prattling on about how little Berenice wanted to be a doctor?" 

Again came the insufferable laugh. 

"You could never be a doctor Bernie. You're too thick." 

"Thick? I must have been, marrying a fucking pig like you!!" 

She regretted the words as they tumbled out. Her head hit the wall. So hard she saw stars. But then he left her and she was thankful for that. She allowed herself to sink down onto the carpet beneath. She would not cry. SHE WOULD NOT CRY. He was not worth her tears. He was the laughable one. The joke was on him. She was clever...Ridiculously so. She'd memorised all of the facts in her book- and the hundred others she'd read before that. She knew all the procedures she'd observed from the countless medical documentaries she'd recorded and watched when her family were sleeping. Given half the chance she'd have made a brilliant doctor. A shuffling sound disturbed her and she realised it was from behind her. She'd worked out that Serena's bedroom (if she'd taken the big one) would be adjoining hers. The walls were so thin she was practically I'm the next room. She prayed she was in there, safe and peaceful but hoped she hadn't heard the crash as her head had slammed against that same wall. It was awfully embarrassing. 

She heard Marcus leave not long after, probably ashamed of himself. She dressed and made up the kid's packed lunches, vowing she'd scrape together some change and venture down to the supermarket; arrange them something more nutritious for their lunch the next day. She peered out of the steamed window and was almost overwhelmed with relief to see Serena over the fence, clambering around once again with her make-shift washing line. She looked up as if on cue (but most probably just distracted by the movement) and Bernie's face softened into a bright and real smile. She waved and Serena waved back, a sincere grin materialising on her own face. A strange feeling occupied Bernie's stomach. She couldn't say she'd ever really experienced the 'butterfly' feeling that people talked about but she imaged it was perhaps something close to this. She stepped back to make herself invisible, unsure if the heat in her cheeks meant that she was blushing. Did she even blush? She wouldn't know. 

The kids disappeared off to school, one by one (they had taken to travelling separately these days) and she was rather glad of peace. Despite what had happened that morning, she didn't feel sad. If anything, she had a renewed spring in her step. For something else had happened, something that had made her feel warm and lovely. She longed for it to happen again.


	5. Chapter 5

Rain poured down in torrents, thundering against the windows dramatically. Bernie watched it pour from a hole in her drain pipe. if she didn’t do something about it soon it would flood. Her eldest, Cam, had supposedly fixed it last autumn but she knew all to well that if she wanted something doing properly it was best to do it herself. Any how, she was quite handy with maintenance issues-took great pleasure in fixing something that had baffled the men. She pulled on her raincoat and ventured into the storm, equipped with a bag of tools she’d gathered from around the house. A small task like this wouldn’t usually phase her but the horrific weather was severely obstructing her vision. She decided a strip of duct tape and a piece of plastic would have to do for now. She heard a crack just as a particularly strong gust of wind threatened to knock her off her feet and she spun around to see Serena peering from her half open window- a bemused smile on her face.

“What on earth are you doing?” 

She shouted- barely audible on account of the worsening storm. 

“What?” 

Bernie laughed, raising her hands to show her lack of understanding. Serena beckoned her over- opening the window wider as means of an invitation. 

“I said what the bloody hell are you doing out in this weather? Are you crazy?”

“Yes- probably! But I’m fixing the drainpipe, it flooded terribly last year” 

She paused as she formed a mischievous grin:

“Though it’s actually more on your side of the fence... perhaps you should come and help me?”

“On your bike! You’ve got to be mentally subnormal to venture out in that!”

But sure enough, as she expected, Bernie observed Serena emerge from the house a few moments later- wrapping her scarf around her hair comically. 

“Can’t you get your husband to do that? Or one of those kids of yours?”

Bernie rolled her eyes- half serious but more than slightly irked at the mention of Marcus.

“Didn’t have you down as the sexist type...” 

Serena shook her head, mimicking Bernie’s expression.

“I was joking- I watched you fiddling with your broken door handle yesterday- I actually think you’re pretty marvellous. I’m useless at any type of DIY” 

Bernie hoped she wasn’t blushing. Serena thought she was marvellous? Quite frankly that was enough to counteract any insult Marcus had ever thrown at her. She felt slightly self conscious as the other woman watched her so intently but was amused at the fact she made no effort to assist. She joked that she was ‘supervising’. If someone had told Bernie that morning that later in the day she’d be stood in the pouring rain, laughing and joking with Serena she would have accused them of being mad.

The weather was ever worsening and Bernie could sense Serena was getting fed up up of standing out here. The fact she was staying though only served to flatter her further. 

“Come on. I think I owe you a coffee now”

She smiled, finishing her task.

“Owe me?”

“For ‘supervising’ me sorting this drainpipe. I’m very grateful!”

She put emphasis on the ‘supervise’ raising her eyebrows slightly as she lead Serena into the house. Her soaking clothes clung to her body uncomfortably, sending a chill to her bones. Serena seemed to sense (or rather share) her notion and removed the cardigan she had been holding so tightly around herself since she had appeared outside.

“Can I be really cheeky? I don’t have a working dryer yet and these clothes could really do with a spin... you wouldn’t mind would you? You should put yours in too, you look bloody freezing!”

“Course I don’t mind! I’ll just pop and get myself changed”

She smiled warmly, handing Serena a mug of instant coffee. She presumed Serena was more used to the high class variety but she didn’t complain.”

“I’ll grab you a dressing gown or something to put on for the meanwhile?” 

She disappeared into her downstairs bedroom and was shocked to the core as Serena followed her and began mindlessly removing her blouse and then the camisole beneath it, revealing a lacy black bra. She gulped and turned her back then came to her senses and almost shook herself. This was what women did- she reminded herself. Normal women...friends... were totally comfortable getting changed in front of one another. But she’d always been so incredibly bashful and more so, she’d known this woman little longer than a couple of days. Serena Campbell was outrageous. She glanced over her shoulder almost involuntarily. Oh.. Serena was so... She reached into her wardrobe and tossed her dressing down towards her briskly, unspeaking, then changed her own top with haste. 

“Are you alright Bernie!? You’ve gone a bit quiet?” 

She began to form a response but jumped violently and froze as the sound of the front door slamming echoed through the house. She looked around herself in panic, literally searching for somewhere she could beg Serena to hide. As innocent as this activity was, Marcus would not like this one little bit. She was increadibly relieved to hear gentle footsteps padding up the stairs as she realised it was Cam. 

“It’s ok...it’s just my son..”

Serena was entirely baffled by Bernie’s reaction. Why on earth had she looked so panicked at the sound of her own front door? She was instantly filled with concern. It wasn’t a normal reaction and was quite obviously something to do with that disgusting husband of hers. Was she not allowed to have friends!? He definitely struck her as the type of man who would isolate his wife- want to keep her all for himself. Prevent anyone from discovering the way he treated her. She’d endured his type before. Never being one to mince her words- she came straight out with what she had been desperate to ask.

“Bernie? Are you frightened of your husband!?”

“NO!? What are you talking about!? That’s ridiculous!”

The hesitation before she spoke however, told Serena all she needed to know. 

“Wouldn’t he be happy with me being here?...aren’t you allowed company?”

Bernie winced. It sounded so much worse when being spoken aloud. 

“He just.. “

She couldn’t finish the sentence and Serena felt almost guilty for making her feel so obviously uncomfortable. Somehow though- she was unable to stop.

“Don’t make excuses for him. Not letting you have friends!? That isn’t normal- surely you know that?”

Bernie had never been a cryer. She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d properly cried. But having her problems laid bare before her by someone as wonderfully put together as Serena made her feel humiliated. 

“Well your marriage is hardly perfect is it?” 

She regretted the words as they came out. How could she be so rude to someone who was quote obviously looking out for her? But to her surprise, Serena met her with a slight smile.

“Ok- I’ll give you that! Bernie, you can talk to me you know. I know we haven’t known each other for long but I think of you as a friend. I care about you.” 

Tears brimmed in Bernie’s eyes. She was relieved as Serena enveloped her in arms, giving her a chance to hide her face. She felt warm, and lovely and strangely and inexplicably, familiar. She snaked her arms around Bernie’s back holding her firmly. It was a long time since Bernie had been hugged properly. She wasn’t sure she’d ever enjoyed a hug as much as this. The feeling of Serena’s hot breath on her neck gave her goose pimples- that butterfly feeling overcoming her once again. She wasn’t sure how long they remained in that position, leaning into each other, hands stroking hair and quantities of back affectionately. It was as if in that moment, all of her hurts melted away, into Serena’s warm, inviting body. Was this normal? Was this what friends did? Was this what having a proper friend felt like? Bernie wasn’t entirely sure about anything at that moment. Except for the fact that she didn’t want this to end. Ever. 

Inevitably, it did.

The bedroom door snapped open, a horrified Cam suddenly occupying the entrance to the room. The women all but dived apart, Bernie utterly lost for words. The cliche ‘it’s not what it looks like’ would make it sound exactly that. He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot then sloped off, leaving Bernie sat shell shocked on the bed- Serena stood a few feet away, looking anywhere but at her friend. Friend? 

“What’s wrong...? Oh... did he think? Oh...”

“No. I’m sorry. I need you to leave. Now please.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is very angsty but it will get happier! #KeepTheFaith

Without saying a word, Bernie disappeared into the kitchen and appeared moments later with Serena’s partially dry garments. She turned her back and hovered in the doorway as she changed, then allowed her to pass and make for the door. 

“Bernie? I don’t understand this. It was just a hug?”

She understood though. She TOTALLY understood. A hug. The kind of longing, clinging, passionate (dressing gown wearing- bedroom inhabiting-hug). Both women knew exactly what Cam had suspected and the awkwardness made the air between them impossibly thick. 

“I’m sorry. Like you said- Marcus is funny with me having people over...”

Serena nodded, avoiding making eye contact as she strutted towards the front door. Once safely inside her own house, she poured herself a large Shiraz and began to contemplate the events of the day. She could still smell Bernie’s perfume on her skin. That short but wonderful period of contact had put her head in a spin. She’d had ‘feelings’ before, of course she had but this was something different entirely. This was on a whole new level. And to think- she barely even knew this woman. The annoyance at Bernie’s recent hostility had all but melted away. Would that son of hers tell his father what he’d seen? What would that mean for Bernie? Her heart began to pound. The thought that her actions could some how cause Bernie to suffer was almost too much to bear. If anything happened to that wonderful woman it was her fault. She’d instigated the clothes removal- the bedroom-the hug... without even realising she was over stepping a mark. She set her glass down on the table, noting a slight tremble to her hand.

Cameron paced his bedroom uncomfortably. What he had seen had left him feeling odd. That woman, in his parents bedroom, in his mothers dressing gown? He cringed hard. They had their arms around each other. But surely? His mum wasn’t a.... no he decided, he must have got this wrong. But a thought niggled at his brain. There had been something before, a few years ago. That woman from the pub, Alex? She’d been here. His mum had looked at her in a strange way, a way in which he’d never seen her look at his father. He’d pushed those suspicions to the back of his mind- convinced himself that he’d made it all up. But he’d noticed her looked at this Serena in the same way. 

Bernie was at a loss. She wondered if she should go and have a word with Cam, try to make him understand. The problem was, she didn’t understand what was going on herself. And she’d never been good with words- she’d probably make it worse. Try as she might, she couldn’t focus, come to any kind of conclusion. The Truth was, the only thoughts she could focus on were the ones of Serena- the ones that had swarmed her brain since that night. The night she’d rolled out of a taxi and floated down the front path- then shouted at her husband into the small hours. She’d known then there was something special about this woman. Putting her finger on it though? She’d decided that would be impossible. She’d never felt like this before. It was terrifying her. She’d never felt out of control of the goings on in her brain like this. Yes, she’d become friends (of a fashion) with Alex, some years ago and had admitted to herself that she’d probably had some kind of crush. But Marcus had stopped her coming round and although it had disappointed her at the time, she hadn’t given it too much thought since, bar the occasional lustful ‘what if’s. This was something different entirely. 

The kids rolled in from school, followed by Marcus who was carrying a considerable number of shopping bags- branding the logo ‘farmfoods’. Most wives would have been grateful but Bernie’s blood boiled. She did the shopping. That was her job- One of the few thing she still had control over. The bastard was even tying to take that away from her. She didn’t speak. Just unpacked the shopping and stacked it neatly in the fridge-freezer, keeping her expression totally neutral. She’d found this annoyed him far more than anything else she could do. He wanted a reaction. He was like a child, using bad behaviour to gain attention from someone who had no time or patience for him. She’d be damned if she conformed. 

Unable to bare falling witness to an argument between his parents (or even worse, sit through an awkward dinner) Cam had set off out for a walk. The evenings were drawing in now, dark and cold and he’d begun to regret not taking his mothered advice of a coat. He came across a familiar figure, leant against the bus stop and realised it was ‘the quirkily lad’ from next door. Feeling strangely lonely, he perched beside him. 

“You off somewhere?”

The boy looked alarmed. He spoke loudly and clearly, not looking up from the ‘Dr Who’ magazine that was sat in his lap.

“Auntie Serena told me not to speak to strangers!” 

Cameron was perplexed for a moment at this sentiment from a grown man but remembered his mum mentioning he had autism. He felt a little guilty for forgetting and approaching him out of the blue like this.

“I’m not a stranger- I live next door. I’m Marcus and Bernie’s son?”

A smile spread across his face and he nodded to show realisation.

“Ah yes. Auntie Serena say’s Marcus is a... well, I don’t like swear words but she doesn’t like him. She likes Bernie though, lots. She told be about her over tea yesterday.” 

Cameron’s stomach was empty but he suddenly felt decidedly queasy. 

“Does your auntie have a husband?”

“Yes. She doesn’t think much of him either. I though they were going to split up last year because they had an argument about Auntie Serena kissing girls. But he moved back in because we couldn’t afford to be without him. It looks like they’re splitting up again, that’s why we have to live in that horrible house” 

Cameron was no longer listening. He stood up abruptly and made for home. There was something he had to do. He was glad to find his mother alone in the kitchen but slightly worried by her apparent state. It was as if she hadn’t notice him entering, she just remained staring at... at nothing. 

“Mum?”

She snapped back to reality, wondering how long she’d been daydreaming. She suddenly felt horribly tired and cold... the house was so incredibly cold. 

“Flick the heating on love. It’s freezing”

“Dad doesn’t like...”

“I don’t care what dad likes” 

She said flatly, her hands forming firsts against the scratched wooden table. She noticed her second eldest had etched his name into the corner- she’d check him for that later. 

“Mum. There’s something I need to tell you. That woman- your friend... she’s a... she’s a les...you know, she’s, like, gay..?”

If she wasn’t so shocked, she would have probably laughed at his irritating teenage way of getting things across. Serena was a lesbian? That was news to her. 

“She’s a what?”

As if on cue, Marcus appeared in the door way- a beer in his hand and an annoying ‘half amused, half judging’ expression on his face. 

“I thought she looked like a Dyke. Must have been why her old man left, what a shitshow that was!” 

His speech dwindled on but his wife turned away, no interest in engaging in his stupid borderline homophobic rant. Serena was a lesbian. Was she? She couldn’t think of anything else, all evening: as she ate, as she showered, as she changed into her Pyjamas and pulled her dressing gown tight round her- observing it still smelled like Serena. It was lovely. The memories of the way she had spoken to Serena that day made her feel slightly sick. If she wasn’t so proud (and in a state of undress) she might have considered going round to apologise. She couldn’t relax- not knowing if Serena would want anything to do with her after that. 

“Bern? Cam said that woman was round ere’ before!?”

She winced, hoping he had spared the details. She took a deep breath and held her composure, smoothing her fringe away from her eyes.

“Yes. She came around to... to borrow some washing power”

She was amazed at how good a liar she was becoming.

“Right. Well I don’t want her here anymore. Not having that sort in my house!”

“THAT SORT? What an earth? No have no right to...”

Marcus grabbed her arm roughly, tightening his grip as she endeavoured to break free from him.

“Oh no you don’t. You’ll leave when I say you can. This is my house. I make the rules. You’re not to see her again. Is that clear?”

Bernie refused to meet his gaze. He could do what he wanted, beat her black and blue for all she cared. She wasn’t going to agree with him. She wouldn’t. 

“IS THAT CLEAR?”

His face was red and far too close to her own. His nails dug into her pale skin, making her wince but still, she held her nerve, refusing to relent. 

“No”

“What!?

“I said, NO. I will not. She’s my friend.” 

 

For Serena, the day had been a long one. She had toyed with venturing next door, inventing various excuses and reasons but non had felt plausible. Bernie had specifically asked her to leave. Surely the only way to keep her dignity in tact was to wait for an invitation, if one ever came. She was glad of the distraction when Jason returned.

“Hi Auntie Serena. I’ve had a lovely afternoon sat at the bus stop, reading my annuals!”

The bus stop? Sometimes it was better not to ask. 

“I made a friend, he lives next door. I told him you liked kissing girls” 

Serena’s face flushed, bile rising to her throat. She knew she hadn’t to shout at Jason- it was far from his intention to have embarrassed her. She felt as if she could burst. That decided it. She would have to go and try to explain things to Bernie- what if she thought the whole thing that morning was just a way of getting close to her? Despite the utter dread, she knew this was something she HAD to do. She knocked at the door twice, loudly, confidently and was frustrated when Marcus appeared a few seconds later.

“Hi...is Bernie in? I could do with having a word”

He cut her sentence short.

“No. Bernie’s in bed. She...she isn’t feeling very well.”

He met her gaze coldly before closing the door, sighing loudly and purposefully. Bernie sat up at the sound of Serena’s voice, those low tones so wonderfully soothing. She wanted more than anything to get up and rush to the door but she knew it wasn’t an option. She listened intently to the small exchange and grimaced at Marcus’ rudeness. She supposed it could have been worse. She grazed her finger over the swelling on her cheekbone- hoping it wouldn’t bruise too badly- then settled down under the duvet. She wiped her eyes and allowed herself a small smile, comforted at the fact that hopefully sometime soon, Serena would settling at the other side of the wall and the two of them would be mere metres apart. 

Serena however, wasn’t going to be settling in the foreseeable. Not until she knew that Bernie was alright. And for the first time that day she seemed to have hatched a suitably genius plan.


	7. Chapter 7

Serena waited by the window, inpatient, as of on pins. Every evening since she’d arrived she’d witnessed Marcus disappear off in the evenings. Sometimes she presumed he went to the pub as it was hours until he returned but more often he had returned no more than ten minutes later, branding a ‘Bargain Booze’ bag, presumably containing a stash of alcohol. She hoped tonight would be no different. The pub would be preferable but the latter would suffice, she needed no more than a few minutes. She couldn’t see the TV from where she was positioned and peering into the darkness for such a long period of time was becoming rather tedious but she daren’t take her eyes away for a second. If she missed him her plan would be foiled. Jason had queried her numerous times but she’d fobbed him off, knowing that telling him would be a rather large mistake. She could feel him eyeing her suspiciously from his position in the centre of the room, disappointed that she was missing their weekly viewing of David Attenborough. That aspect didn’t bother Serena quite as much as it did her nephew. She conquered that even watching the raindrops trickle down the smudged window pane was more interesting than that. Surely enough, just as her eyes were becoming heavy and the pressure on her bladder was almost to much to bare, the familiar burley figure made out into the darkness. She watched him reach the end of the street before rising quickly and retrieving the chunky hard back from the table. 

“Where are you going? It’s dark. You’re missing David Attenborough”

Jason said out on a speech, making his Auntie aware of the fact she’d disturbed him- totally ruined his viewing and subsequently his evening but she made for the door nether the less, anxious not to miss her chance. 

The girl answered the door. She bore a slight resemblance to her mother up-close but her eyes were unnervingly identical to her fathers and her expression wasn’t too far removed. 

“Hello... you must be Charlotte?”

“Hm. Want something?”

Lovely. She had his attitude too. 

“Yes. Is your around? It’s just, I promised to lend her this book..”

She held it out as a way of demonstration before continuing.

“Perhaps I could come in!? 

“She’s in bed” 

Serena signed but decided pressing the matter would only be wasting precious time. Anyhow, although seeing Bernie would have been a bonus- that wasn’t what she had come to do. She just had to get the book to her without Marcus’ interception. The plan was simple. 

“Well could you give it to her for me? Please?”

Not waiting for an answer, she passed the book into charlottes possession- holding it closed purposefully. 

“Please be careful with it..it’s old”

She observed the girl mutter something under her breath (she didn’t wish to know) as the door closed in front of her. Now all she could do was wait. Wait and hope. 

Bernie woke to the sound of her daughters voice. She was confused by the message. The lady next door had brought her a book? She was in disbelief at the fact that she’d slept through Serena’s call and totally perplexed by the reason behind it. She was usually such a terrible sleeper and recalled nothing about requesting to borrow a book. Her daughter passed it over, sighing as if the whole thing was all just an inconvenient chore. 

“Your face ok? Dad said you’d tripped!”

“Yes.. I’m fine darling, don’t worry about me”

Charlotte offered a short smile before taking off, in exchange of her mothers thanks for answering the door and passing on the book. Bernie eyed the front cover curiously. It was an old fashioned medical novel and she smiled at the notion. She’d told Serena of her interest in medicine a few days previously as they chatted over coffee. She was flattered that she’d remembered but still rather unsure of the gift. That was until, a scrap of paper floated from the third page complete with scrawly handwriting and a tidy series of numbers. Ah, a phone number. Followed by the message 

‘Only a call or text away if you fancy a chat. S x’ 

Bernie’s heart thumped. Once again, tears threatened to materialise as the realisation of what Serena had done became clear. She’d gone through the whole charade or lending her a book just to get this message to her. Which in turn, means it was important to her. And the way in which she’d done it showed that she understood more than she’d realised about Bernie’s situation. She was amazed that Serena even wanted to talk to her after the way she’d behaved that day. She pulled her phone from her handbag and punched in the numbers. She wasn’t a fan of taking over the phone and she knew Marcus would be back soon. She wanted more than anything to text her... to talk. Not about what had happened or about what Marcus had done. She just craved a chat, about their pasts, about life, about the damn weather for all she cared. about anything. 

She typed and deleted several messages. Although she was eloquent she was finding it difficult to form a sentence that conveyed what she wanted to say, without sounding strange or too forward or... not forward enough? Perhaps the problem lay more in the fact that by that point she wasn’t entirely sure what it was that she had wanted to say in the first place. 

‘Hi. Sorry about today. Thanks for the book. B’ 

She toyed with the idea of a ‘x’. She wouldn’t usually but Serena had sent her one. She pressed the symbol- stared at it- then wavered and deleted. She sent it before she had chance to change her mind again. The feeling of excitement, lay back with her phone clutched in her warm hands- waiting on a reply- pulsed through her. She felt strangely nervous. She wasn’t accustomed to this on account of her rarely texting anyone other than Marcus or the children. The occasional one to her mother on Birthdays or Christmas. She’d never anticipated a reply as she was this one. She felt silly and childlike for watching the time but the exhilaration was far greater. Ten minutes passed and she’d just about resigned herself to the fact that a reply wouldn’t come- that her lack of ‘x’ had made her seem cold- when her screen lit up. 

“No worries. I understand. I’m sorry if I’ve caused you any problems. Are you ok? S”

So she’d dropped the kiss. But the message was enough to outweigh any hurtful words Marcus had thrown at her. She was overcome by that wonderful, all encompassing feeling of happiness, of warmth. Because despite what he said- someone other than him and the kids cared about her. She wasn’t alone. He was wrong. She tensed as she heard the front door, followed by footsteps, a bottle opening, the sound of liquid gushing. She wanted some but would do without. She had something far better. She had a friend. She illuminated her phone once more and began to compose a reply.

‘Thank-you. I’m ok. Are you free to chat? B x’ 

And so, she got her wish. Messages went back and forth for a good hour, the subject had long been steered away from Marcus or anything that had taken place that day. Bernie was so engrossed in the conversation she was taken by surprise when he stumbled in beside her, knocking over the lamp on the bedside table. She darkened her phone and pushed it under her pillow-still facing the wall. He wouldn’t endeavour to turn her over that night. He would be too shame faced too see what he had done to her. 

Serena lit up her phone once again. She hoped that Bernie had fallen asleep and that there wasn’t some other unpleasant reason behind why the conversation had ended so suddenly. She pressed her head against the wall, listening for any sounds that may indicate something untoward. Silence. She was on the verge of slipping into sleep herself, when she was brought back to consciousness by the familiar ‘ding’. She took a deep breath and reached out excitedly. No amount of deep breathing could have prepared her for what she was about to read. 

‘Can’t txt. M back :( enjoyed our chat tonight- very grateful. B x’

Enjoyed our chat. The words played over. All of her life she’d been told to shut up. That her opinions should be kept to herself- that they were irrelevant. But Bernie had actually enjoyed listenenjng to them? Offering up her own- discussing things. Real things. She was invigorated. She didn’t want this feeling to fade away and two glasses of Shiraz had put bravery on her side. 

‘Meet me out the back in half an hour?’

Bernie had silenced her phone but the sudden flash light made her wary. She thought Serena would have known better than to text her back. Marcus could not find out about this. As much as she craved to be resilient, she knew she had to pick her battles and truth be told, she was too exhausted to take another hit. Verbal or physical. A rush of blood went straight to her head as she read the message. Adrenaline cured the tiredness immediately. She rolled out of bed incredibly slowly and for once was glad she wasn’t a tidy person. She scooped her clothes off the floor and crept into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She changed quickly then frowned at her reflection in the mirror. Something would have to be done about that bruise. Her own powder didn’t do much good so she plucked a jar of charlottes cheap ‘body care’ foundation from the cabinet. So now her check was swollen and a peculiar shade of orange. Just perfect. She ran her fingers through her tangled tresses and decided she would have to do. The bottle of scotch on the table reminded her that Marcus would sleep right through until morning so long as she was quiet. She was glad he’d opted for this rather than the usual of vodka and the fact she was in serious need of Dutch courage made her overlook the fact that he’d wasted money that they clearly didn’t have. She knocked a mouthful back, straight from the bottle- enjoying the rebellious feeling beyond all comprehension. She took another swig, enjoying the feeling of warmth in her chest. She checked the bottle hadn’t emptied too dramatically before pulling her coat around herself and heading for the back door.


	8. Chapter 8

Bernie clicked the door shut behind her. She glanced up to check that the upstairs curtains were closed and in darkness with no chance of prying children. The back garden was in complete darkness but she could make out a faint yellow glow from beyond the rotting wooden gate. 

“Bern?”

She jumped slightly then raised a finger to her mouth to shush Serena as she slipped through to the alleyway. Her insides warmed as she set eyes on the other woman who’s face was illuminated in such a flattering way by the light of a small battery operated torch. Serena felt a surge of embarrassment as she realised Bernie had dressed and brushed her hair- she remained in her fuzzy purple dressing gown. Bernie looked beautiful. Her golden curls framed her face, creating an imagine more perfect than Serena thought possible. 

“Sorry...thanks for coming!”

Bernie returned her smile

“Just keep your voice down, yeah?”

The women took a step closer, both wanting but not knowing if it was appropriate to embrace. Bernie’s face was now fully illuminated by Serena’s light and the brunette experienced a physical pain in her stomach when she noticed the swelling under her right eye. The fact she’d obviously endeavoured to hide it with dark makeup only saddened her further. Bernie knew what her friend was looking at and opened her mouth to form some sort of explanation.

“Don’t. Don’t make excuses for him. He doesn’t deserve that.”

Serena’s face burned red with anger but she focused on keeping her voice calm and steady. She wasn’t about to put Bernie through anymore trauma. It was hard to find words that justified the situation. Sometimes words just didn’t seem good enough. Instead, she reached out and took the other woman’s hand in her own. 

“Bernie... this can’t be allowed to continue. He can’t be allowed to treat you like this...”

“I.. I can’t leave. I’ve no m.. the kids...I just...”

Bernie allowed her fringe to topple over her eyes, embarrassed that she couldn’t form a sentence: a response to Serena’s suggestion. Serena decided honestly was the only way forward from here.

“I’m not really sure what to say. Other than, you don’t deserve this. Nobody deserves this. But, you? You’re so wonderful and ... you’ve made me feel so welcome since I arrived here- I’m so sorry if that was the cause of this”

Bernie shook her head.

“No. Please don’t blame yourself. He would have found something else to be mad at me for. I’ll be ok- really. This isn’t something that happens often.”

She winced, knowing how cliche’ and pathetic that sounded. Words failing her once again, Serena reached out and pulled Bernie towards her. She was almost shocked when Bernie conformed and rested her head against her shoulder. Despite the cold breeze, the skin of Serena’s neck felt warm against her face. She allowed herself to wrap her arms around Serena’s back, relishing the feeling as gentle hands fondled her shoulders. 

“I need you to listen to me Bern. I need you to understand that whatever you’re going through- you’re not going through it alone. Not anymore. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere” 

Bernie lifted her head slightly, meeting Serena’s gaze through tear glazed eyes. She managed a quiet thank-you but those same eyes conveyed a message of so much more. She’d never felt this way before. As emotion struck as she was- a surge of happiness overtook her once again. In that moment, everything she’d ever felt, everything she’d ever worried about seemed to fade into blackness. It was the strangest sensation, as if all of her faded, mixed up thoughts slotted perfectly into place. She’d never seen life as clearly as she did in that moment. She was in love. She’d fallen hard and fast. And the look in Serena’s eyes told her she wasn’t the only one. She dipped her head slowly, capturing Serena’s lips with her own. She pulled back briefly, awaiting Serena’s response. A soft hand on the back of her head gave her the confirmation she needed and she smiled as Serena’s lips met her own once again. She tasted so... so? Beautiful. This was unlike anything she’d ever experienced in her life. Until then, neither women knew that a kiss could provide so much pure pleasure. 

They could have remained in that state for hours but they were disturbed by a creaking sound coming from somewhere close. Bernie’s head jolted backwards and Serena felt her body tense dramatically. But still, she kept hold, firmly but impossibly, so incredibly gently. Bernie wanted nothing more than to melt back into her arms- to let Serena hold and and kiss her and touch her. 

“Shh. It’s alright. It was nothing- We’re out of sight of the houses anyway. Relax darling; I’m here”

She allowed herself to be pulled back into Serena’s embrace but withdrew no more than a few seconds later. 

“I’m sorry. I’ve got to go. I just can’t risk...”

Serena opened her mouth to interrupt but she shook her head firmly and continued. 

“I’ll be ok- he’s asleep.”

She pulled away but Serena caught her hand, gently. She knew she had the option to withdraw it and carry on but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to so she turned back to Serena and stroked her thumb along her cheek bone affectionately. 

“I don’t want to let you go Bern. I will see you again won’t I? I mean- like this?”

They held each other’s gaze for a good 10 seconds, almost dazed. Until Bernie nodded once and disappeared back through the moss covered gate. 

Serena had turned her torch light off previously on Bernie’s request but somehow a light had continued to shine. And on Bernie’s exit she’d been plunged into complete darkness. The eeriness of the passage crept over her once again as she made for her own back garden. She had a strange feeling of a presence other than her own. 

“HELLO AUNTIE SERENA!”

She screamed. He screamed. Then he laughed, almost hysterically. 

“did I scare you? What are you doing out in the dark anyway? The dark is dangerous. I heard you talking to Bernie from next door but I didn’t interrupt. You frown when I interrupt. Are you proud of me?”

Serena winced. For the second time that day (probably in her life) she was totally lost for words. She lead him inside and flicked on the second hand plastic kettle- she’d picked it up from the charity shop the day before after the old one had refused to function in their new abode. She couldn’t say she blamed it. She was finding it increasingly difficult herself. 

Bernie washed the makeup from under her eye and ruffled her hair with her fingers. Somehow she felt her reflection was more appealing now than it had been went she had set out. Confidence maybe? She savoured the taste of Serena, breathed in the perfume that had transferred onto her jumper. She decided she would keep it on as she slipped into bed. Marcus’ snores repulsed her. But she wasn’t prepared to let anyone or anything drag her from the blissful state Serena had slipped her into. She knew something he didn’t. She had something he didn’t. She had someone she loved and whom loved her back and it was the most incredible feeling that she’d ever experienced.


	9. Chapter 9

Bernie woke up in a spin. For the last eight hours her mind had been occupied by wonderful dreams- dreams that had shown her and Serena- happy and content- being together, kissing and... doing things she knew she hadn’t to think of. The morning was a long one. December first. She’d bought the advent calendars months in advance as she always did, even for her oldest Cam. The air was filled with wishes of presents and although she’d never been well off- she felt more frightened than ever of the dreams of X-boxes and impressive phones. She wished she could be the kind of mum that could grant those wishes. She had wishes of her own though, wishes she knew she wasn’t allowed to have. She’d been taught that they were wrong but somehow nothing had ever felt so right. She had never really had a Christmas wish before but this one!? This one was stronger than anything she’d ever felt before. And it somehow- a part of it was real. The Gorgeous, wonderfully outrageous, Serena campbell had kissed her. And that thought alone made Bernie’s insides summersault. 

Serena had been woken by Jason. At 7:00 on the dot. 

“Today is the first of December. Therefore, today is the day we put up our Christmas decorations.”

He wore a beam from ear to ear and Serena couldn’t help but smile. She knew though, Christmas wouldn’t be the same this year- not by a long shot. Her daughter would not be with her. For the first time in 13 years. She’d spoken to her (or at least endeavoured to) a few days previously. Edward had well and truly poisoned her mind; though she’d always been a daddy’s girl and Serena wasn’t surprised she’d made the choice she had. Instead of being in her rather lovely house- she was crammed into this tidy, unkept council owned shambles. She didn’t even recall seeing the Christmas decorations during the move. She hoped she’d be able to locate then without to much of a struggle. She wanted more than anything to drift back into a blissful sleep, her troubles far away; her mind only occupied with dreams of Bernie. She hoped she was alright- that her dreadful husband hadn’t woken on her return. She sent Jason off to make them some coffee and plucked her phone from her handbag beside the bed. 

She typed out a simple message:

‘Last night was lovely. Hope you’re ok. S X’

Her finger hovered over the ‘send’ button. Too soon? Perhaps a text would be too risky during the daytime. She wondered if he was controlling enough to check her phone and decided she wouldn’t put it past him. Vile bastard. The phone landed back in her bag with a thunk. She’d have to leave the ball in Bernie’s court. As much as it pained her, waiting and wondering if she’d ever kiss those beautiful lips again. She’d just have to hope fear wouldn’t get in the way.

“This is just not good enough Auntie Serena...”

She was met on arrival to the kitchen by a rather dismayed Jason. He wore an impressive frown as he ruined through the near empty cupboards, one hand on his hip to demonstrate annoyance. 

“The coffee has run out. Again. There’s one slice of bread left. ONE slice Auntie Serena. What will YOU have for breakfast?” 

Serena stifled a sigh but couldn’t help but chuckle at his last sentiment. 

“Oh so you’ll be having the last slice then!? I better take a trip to that dreadful bargain super market then” 

It cold air stole her breath as she stepped through the door. The sky was bleak-The weather forecast had even promised snow. Previously, she had rather enjoyed snow and loved the festive atmosphere it created but this year she worried about keeping herself and her nephew warm. The supermarket was full, boys in hoody’s purchasing fizzy pop, girls who looked no older than Ellie pushing prams and dragging screaming toddlers. She’d never felt more out of place. She was embarrassed to haul the cheapest instant coffee into her trolley. What would she do about a Turkey this year!? She refused to let those thoughts sink in. She wasn’t in the right frame of mind. She was neither in the right frame of mind when she caught sight of no one other than Bernie, strolling along the next isle, mere meters away from her. She wore tight black jeans and a grey jumper, a thick white scarf that seemed to go on forever obstructed the view of part of her face. Although her hair was pulled back, streams of golden blonde escaped and cascaded in every which way. Serena’s blood pressure sky rocketed. She couldn’t let this beautiful woman see her like this, in yesterday’s clothes, wearing not a scrape of makeup. She wouldn’t know how to act, what to say, meeting up with her in a place like this. To think a mere few hours ago they were locking lips, bodies close, hands intertwined in each other’s hair. She longed for that again. 

When she got to the till, she was hit by the nightmarish reality of her card declining. She should have known he’d do this. Drain the account. He was that kind of person- she was becoming more and more accustomed to that fact as the days went on. Bastard. She had her own bank account with a little bit of money tucked away but didn’t carry the card. She cursed herself for being so stupid as her face blushed crimson.

“There must have been some mistake.. I mean.. something wrong with the card...”

She tripped over her excuses to the sales assistant who looked mildly amused. She had a face Serena would take great pleasure in slapping. 

“Serena?!” 

There was a hand on her shoulder. Her breathing stopped. She had never endured shame quite like this. She should have perhaps known though that when she turned, Bernie’s face would show nothing other than kindness. 

“Here, I’ll get that”

She pushed Serena gently aside and slid her own card into the machine. 

“No... don’t...”

Embarrassment and need prevented her protest going any further. Tears welled in her eyes as they left the supermarket, shoulder to shoulder. She knew Bernie had barely two pennies to scrape together and yet she’d freely paid for her shopping like that. She was the definition of an angel. 

She opened her mouth to speak but Bernie spoke over her. 

“It’s ok. We’ve all been there. Like you said, there’s probably just a problem with the card”

She smiled weakly, trying to save Serena’s blushes.

“He’s cleared the account”

“He cant be allowed to get away with that. You need to speak to him. This needs to be sorted out properly. I mean, I wouldn’t know where to start but you need to look into it Serena knew something would have to be done but her brain was preoccupied by something that at that moment appeared much more pressing.

“I need to see you Bern. I mean.. I need... you know, like last night?!”

“There’s nothing in the world I want more... I don’t know how but I’ll sort something. I promise.” 

She changed the subject as they reached their avenue, refusing to let Serena steer it back. 

“Serena, I need you to go first.. incase anyone’s watching. I’ll wait here for a few minutes, maybe walk back around the estate...”

Serena nodded and Fromed a knowing smile. 

“Ok. Thank-you for what you did. I don’t know how I can ever thank-you enough” 

“I’m sure you’ll find a way” 

Bernie shot her a cheeky smile before tapping her back and indicating for her to move.


	10. Chapter 10

“I said WHY are you lying to me?” 

Marcus slammed his curled fist onto the table, missing his wife’s outstretched fingers by mere centre metres. She withdrew them onto her lap, which angered him further. 

“You normally spend short of £40 on the food shop. So where did the other £20 go? You’ve bought nothing more” 

He bellowed out his question again, hoping to prompt (or rather frighten) Bernie into revealing the whereabouts of the missing money. She knew she had to think fast. 

“Marcus please. It’s a Christmas present. Don’t make me spoil the surprise”

“I wouldn’t have to, if I trusted a word that came out of your bloody mouth!”

As single minded as he usually was, he had detected a change in his wife’s behaviour. Something was different about her and he just couldn’t put his finger on what it was. The light was fading fast and the pale sunset cast an eerie glow over the untidy kitchen. Bernie was unsettled and moved to switch on the light. It fizzed into function but the harsh, artificial light made her feel worse. She hovered into the doorway, pushing her shoulders against the frame. 

“Show me.”

“What?”

“Show me the present. That’s if there is one of course!”

Bernie had never been a good lier and worried her face was betraying her. She slipped her hands into her jean pockets to ensure they remained stationary then turned her pale face to the window. She knew further arguments would be pointless- she’d never known her husband to back down, especially not when he was determined to get one over on her. She knew if she didn’t think of a solution quickly she would be in real trouble. 

“You’ll have to give me a minute, I’m not quite sure where I...”

She trailed off into the bedroom; more to buy herself time than anything else. She closed the door behind her and knew instantly she’d made a mistake. She sat on the bed then stood up again, running her fingers roughly through her hair. She caught a lug and winced but took the short dull pain as a distraction from the heavy footsteps that grew progressively closer. He rapped on the door, making her jump. 

“Is that what I have to do now? Knock on my own bedroom door?”

He thrust it open, hoping she was behind it. Instead she was on the floor, her head in the wardrobe, making a show of fumbling through the stash of random positions that lined the bottom (merely things she’d shoved there in an attempt to tidy up earlier that week.)   
She feigned mild amusement. 

“Oh.. I must have hidden it somewhere else... you know what I’m like!”

Marcus drew in a long breath, then let it out. He smiled, as she regained her standing position a few feet away from her. He spoke gently and for a moment she was reassured.

“Yes sweetheart. I do know what you’re like.”

The slight emphasis on the word ‘sweetheart’ belied affection.

“That’s the problem. There’s no present is there? You’re a lying BITCH!”

His wife was intelligent enough to know that the fight had been won. 

“I was helping someone.. a.. a woman in the super market, she’d forgotten her purse.”

He shook his head slowly, closing the difference between them. He spat the words rather than spoke them. 

“I’m supposed to be impressed am I? Throwing my hard earned cash at total fucking strangers? We don’t have a pot to piss in Bernie and you’re giving our money away!? I’ve never known anyone so fucking thick!”

his words no longer hurt her. His fist in her face did. 

She remained perfectly still until his footsteps disappeared. She raised her hand to her lips and carefully dabbed at the blood that pooled there. The door banged. He would go to the pub now, drink himself senseless to dull his guilt. Then he would most likely pass out and she would feel peaceful for a while. This routine had played out numerous times but it was only the second occasion his anger had presented as violence. Well, real violence anyway. The kids had dispersed (out with their friends) and the silence was almost unbearable. She pondered on what she would do and decided it certainly wouldn’t be sitting on her bedroom floor wallowing in self pity. No, she would do exactly what she’d wanted to do all night. All week. She had no reason to feel any amout of guilt for her husband. She only had to run her finger across her split lip to remind herself of that. 

Serena rested her head against the arm of the settee and allowed herself to close her eyes. She slept for what could have been hours but was probably no more than a couple of minutes. She was woken by a light knocking and in her sleep induced confusion, took a minute to work out where the sound was coming from. The back door. She ran her fingers through her hair and straightened her clothes with haste as she made out the slim, exquisite, unrecognisable figure through the frosted glass. Bernie looked beautiful. Her face was lightly made up, her hair tumbling onto her cheekbones, like a halo around her pale face. Her dark eyes were dark and warm and Serena’s heart began to race as they met her own.

“I hope you don’t mind me just dropping by like this!”

As she spoke, Serena noticed that her bottom lip was spilt, the skin around it beginning to swell, despite Bernie’s obvious efforts to conceal the injury. 

“Of course I don’t! Come inside- you’re shivering!”

Without waiting for a cue, Serena instinctively wrapped her around her, closing the door with a free hand.

“Whats happened darling? What’s that bastard done to you!?”

Rage began to bubble inside her as she titled Bernie’s head back to inspect the wound.

“No.. please! I don’t want to talk about him. About that.”

She tilted her head forwards slowly Until her lips met with Serena’s. She responded, eagerly but gently- mindful of not hurting her lover. Bernie’s hands reached under the hem of Serena’s blouse- not thinking what she was doing- just craving the touch of her bare skin. Serena’s back was warm and smooth. It was all she could do to surprises a squeal as warm fingers traced up her own cold back- providing a delicious contrast. 

“You’re freezing!!”

Serena withdrew her lips but pulled Bernie closer, rubbing her back more forcefully.

“You’re not!” 

She nuzzled into Serena’s neck, noting the goosebumps that weren’t triggered by temperature. 

“It feels so right... being here, like this, with you”

She told no word of a lie. The warmth of Serena only highlighted the cold she’d felt for as long as she could remember. Not a physical feeling of cold- a physiological, emotional feeling. She opened her mouth to protest as Serena pulled a way from her but the smaller woman hushed her and took her hand. 

“I still haven’t thanked you properly for what you did” 

Bernie’s stomach lurched slightly. She didn’t for a second blame Serena for Marcus’ actions and would repeat what she’d done a thousand times if it meant making things even slightly easier for Serena- who lead her into a scantily clad living room. She disappeared for a minute and without a word, appeared back with a woollen blanket. She wrapped it around Bernie’s slim frame, her stomach fluttering as the Blonde lifted the edge and indicated for her to join her beneath it. 

“How long have you got?”

“Long enough.”


	11. Chapter 11

Bernie sighed deeply as she woke- gently and slowly. It took her a moment to compute the way she was feeling. She smiled as she realised Serena’s naked body was pressed against her own, her arms wrapped around her protectively. She turned over and brushed a strand of hair from Serena’s forehead. Her lover slept so beautifully. 

The serenity of the moment was disturbed by a sudden rush of intense panic. What time was it? How long had she been here? Would he be back? 

She was overwhelmingly relieved when she checked her phone and realised they’d only slept for an hour- she was in no trouble and time with her love remained. She slowed her breathing as she snuggled into Serena once more- resting her head on her shoulder as she began to stir. 

“Hello beautiful” 

Serena woke to a feeling of pure bliss. She wrapped her arms around Bernie’s body, pulling it closer into her own. 

“Ahh, Hello sleepy head!” 

Bernie smiled sleepily up at her girlfriend, running her soft hands over Serena’s bare chest, enjoying the gentle purs that escaped her pursed lips. 

“You’re not going to go and leave me just yet are you? I don’t think I can bare to let you go” 

lips met once more, both women relishing the feeling- hands wandering and passing over sensitive parts gently, soft breasts pressing together. Serena rolled Bernie onto her back, becoming overwhelmed with the desire to give this woman pure bliss and shower her with the love and affection she deserved. She began to trail her lips down Bernie’s neck, enjoying the bolt of electricity that shot through her body as the other woman tangled her hands in her short hair. 

“Uhh, please don’t stop”

“Oh I won’t angel. I just needed to look at you for a second. It’s insane- I’ve known you no longer than a few weeks and In that time...”

Serena stopped, swallowing deeply. It was as if there was an invisible line set right in front of her and crossing it could very easily be her undoing. Instead, she gave a gentle shake of her head moved lower, to continue trailing wet kisses across her lovers breasts. As much as Bernie craved to give in to the pleasure, she cupped Serena’s face with her hands and pulled it gently up towards her own.

“What was you going to say?...you never finished the sentence.”

Serena frowned slightly, Searching Bernie’s dark eyes. 

“Ok. You asked for it! In that time, I’ve fallen in love with you. Deeply.” 

“Oh Serena. Me too. I love you. More deeply and sincere than I ever thought possible.”

Tears filled Serena’s eyes and she shuddered with emotion as Bernie wiped them away with the tips of her fingers. 

“I wish I could take you away from all of this Bern. Even if it was only for one night. Oh how I’d love to take you to a swanky hotel. I’d spoil you rotten! Imagine us sharing a jacuzzi bath. I’d even let you have the fancy chocolate on my pillow” 

Serena paused as Bernie chuckled then continued to disclose her fantasy- with a more serious tone. 

“then make love to you on luxury fresh bedsheets in a huge hotel bed.Again and again until we curl up to sleep in each other’s arms. Then I’d hold you tight until the morning, warm and safe.” 

“Now that would be utterly delightful. Utterly perfect. But I don’t need luxuries... I just.. need you. And I’ve very much like to stay right here with you but we both know that isn’t possible. Not tonight. I have to go back” 

Serena signed, unable to hide the sadness that spread slowly across her features. She knew this would be the case and understood that there was no other way but disappointment wasn’t suppressible. Her hand remained linked with Bernie’s as she slipped out of bed, keeping their eyes locked to each other, a longing desire sharp and painful in the air between them.

“Bern.. are you going to be alright? I can’t bare the thought of you being anywhere near him”

“Ah I’ll be fine. I’ve told you- he’ll pass out on the sofa!”

She endeavoured to hide the insincerity in her voice, knowing that she could only hope her statement would come true. She dressed silently then lent over the bed and planted a short but meaningful kiss Serena’s cheek. 

“Thank-you for tonight darling. You stay here in the warm, I’ll let myself out and put the key through” 

Serena hesitated before following her into the kitchen. She slipped her hand behind the microwave and pressed a single gold key into Bernie’s hand. 

“This is a spare. Take it with you.”

Bernie smiled and no explanation was requested. 

“Anytime, day or night”

She enforced, returning Bernie’s kiss on the cheek. 

“See you soon?”

Bernie nodded before heading out into the darkness. She turned her her head to wave and was warmed by the fact that Serena remained in the doorway watching her- ensuring she got home safely. 

She knew ironically however, that the biggest didn’t lay outside under the gloomy night sky. They lay hidden in the false sanctuary of her own home.


	12. Chapter 12

Bernie pulled the door shut quietly- Serena’s key still tucked securely in the palm of her hand. The house was cold and she longed for the feeling of Serena’s warm body wrapped around her own. She knew he’d retuned, she could feel his presence beyond the closed bedroom door. Her mind had already escalated into overdrive... did he just pass out? Or had he realised that she was absent... that could present as a real problem. The cold, harsh metal of the key dug into her hand as she tensed, triggering a strange emotion that fell between pure euphoria and total fear. What if he found it? Found out? Somehow, the thought of having something so precious and then having it taken away was worse than never having it at all. She moved quietly into the bathroom, being sure to walk on the balls of her feet to create as little noise as possible. She allowed the room to remain in darkness for a few seconds, before activating her phone torch. She gazed at her reflection in the dimly lit mirror. Her hair was more unruly than ever and her complexion pale but Serena’s affection had ignited a certain confidence in her and she liked what she saw. She was alarmed however, to notice a mark forming on her neck but couldn’t suppress a smile at the memory of what had caused it. Perhaps Serena should have been more careful, knowing the situation. She dusted it with powder and hoped it would have faded by the morning. 

She entered her bedroom to find her husband naked, star-fished in the middle of the bed they’d shared for years. She’d put up with it for almost as long as she could remember but suddenly had lost all ability to stand it. The thought of his naked body touching her own made her stomach churn so she grabbed a blanket from the wardrobe and retreated to the sofa. Sleep came unusually quickly, her mind settled by thoughts of her new found happiness. 

Marcus woke at 5:00, his mind still swimming with intoxication. His wife was still not beside him but he knew she’d returned to the house- she’d left the kitchen light on. Heat began to radiate in his blood stream as his brain began to question her whereabouts in a more sober mind set. She wasn’t in contact with any of her family and had no friends (he’d taken care of that) -so what the hell hell was the daft cow playing at!? He dragged himself from the still partially made up bed, his body aching from head to toe. Whatever she was up to- he’d put an end to it. That he promised himself as he crept into the front room. It was pitch black and perfectly silent, apart from the slight mechanical ticking from the clock on the mantle piece. He flicked on the floor lamp and was instantly irritated by the incessant hiss that accompanied the full yellowing glow. He turned to see his wife, curled up in a corner of the settee, fully clothed but sound asleep. He took a step closer and crouched by her side. There was something different about her. She’d normally wake as soon as he approached. His brow furrowed- she was wearing perfume...but not her own. It took a few moments for his thoughts to steady but the pieces began to slot into place. She had somehow managed to make herself a friend. That dreadful, interfering lesbian who’d rocked up next door. He had known she posed trouble, right from that first time he’d clocked her- shouting her mouth off in the middle of the street. He grazed his fingers over a mark on Bernie’s neck, pausing over her windpipe. He applied a slight pressure. Her eyes flashed open. 

“Good morning my precious. May I ask what you’re doing here on the sofa?” 

He kept his voice even but couldn’t hide the menace in his eyes. His face was far too close for Bernie’s liking and she pushed her bottom lip out slightly- making the injury more visible. He kissed her hard, causing bile to rise in her throat. She pulled her head back and dragged herself to an upright position. He held her gaze for a moment before leaving her, staring into the darkness. 

Serena slept solidly, thoughts of Bernie whirling through her subconscious mind. She woke just after five to a feeling of uneasiness and a craving for her lovers skin against her own. She found herself gazing at the pillow where her golden curls had fallen beautifully just hours before. She hoped that her Bernie she was safe and warm and sleeping peacefully on the other side of the wall. Above all else, she hoped that her insufferable, pathetic excuse for a husband was nowhere near her. 

He was. In fact he moved no further than a few meters from her all day. He wanted her right there, under his nose, where he could see exactly what she was up to. Bernie had always felt more than a bit claustrophobic under the restraints of her married life but that day, she felt almost as if she was being physically suffocated, like a weight was pressing down on her relentlessly. She was frightened to even think of Serena and it took a great deal of effort to keep her tucked safely at the back of her mind. She had the strange notion that he could see right into her brain, as if he had tabs on what she was thinking and feeling. She had no doubt that if he suspected there was something going on between her and Serena, (even just an innocent friendship) he would put an end to it. She knew she mustn’t slip. Not even a for a second. She’d promised herself on many occasions that she wouldn’t allow herself to become frightened of him but his very demeanour was unnerving her more and more as the hours passed. It wasn’t that he was angry or displaying any signs of aggression- that would have been far more normal. She could deal with that. He was being nice. Sickly sweet. And something told her it wasn’t merely through guilt. 

The day seemed to stretch far longer than any other and Bernie was relieved when the children returned from school. She busied herself preparing food that nobody wanted and endeavoured to make small talk with the surly teenagers that were edging towards the door- desperate to be back in the presence of their friends. The thought of the evening loomed over her like a dark cloud, unavoidable and foreboding. It was Friday and her youngest two were off out on sleepovers. The others wouldn’t be back until late- if at all. Darkness was taking over once again and she pulled herself up onto the kitchen work top- enjoying watching the city lights flicker in the distance. She allowed herself to zone out, more welcome thoughts blurring and softening the edges of the sharp, relentless unease. She was mildly aware of him bustling around the kitchen and was slightly startled when a hot cup of tea was slid across the worktop towards her. He never made her tea. He was quiet now- despite the fact he’d barely let his lips meet for more than a few seconds all day. She climbed down from her window seat, aware of his watchful gaze. Her stomach lurched and the nausea began to rise once again as she forced the sickly sweet liquid down her throat. 

Serena had begun to understand the mind sets of animals caged in zoo’s. She’d spent the day pacing her small residence, desperately trying to occupy herself, steady her thoughts. Thoughts that we’re still coming thick and fast but presented much clearer somehow, after a glass or two of mediocre Shiraz. She hadn’t heard a peep from next door all day (other than the occasional shifting of teenagers) and had spent more time than she would have liked to admit wondering if that was a good or bad sign. She’d considered texting but restrained herself in the knowledge that it could pose a threat to the woman she loved. She opened her laptop for something to do with her hands and instinctively keyed an address into the search bar. A plan began to formulate in her mind and for the first time that day, she allowed herself a small smile. She leaned back onto the arm rest of her slightly too soft settee and closed her eyes, allowing herself to imagine it. Her and Bernie, alone, far away from.. 

she was interrupted as she heard the back door creak open. 

Bernie grasped at the kitchen work top, confused and frightened as to why her legs were refusing to follow instruction from her brain. A brain that was struggling to compute even the familiarity of her own kitchen. The window doubled before her eyes and for a moment the world became totally out of proportion. She fell down onto the kitchen floor. Thoughts registered but seemed too distant to reach. She scrambled around, desperately trying to gain enough momentum to pull herself to a standing position. Why was her body betraying her like this? Her eyes focused on the mug that remained on the table. The cutlery drawer was open and so was the kitchen door. The drugs in her system made her unable to comprehend whether the scream that pierced the silence came from herself or from someone else.


	13. Chapter 13

Serena felt as if her heart might leap out of her chest- though she endeavoured to keep her breathing equal. The last thing she wanted to was to show him fear- grant him the power that he so desperately wanted. She pushed her fringe slowly off her forehead and swallowed deeply. 

“I think you should leave my house... before I call the police” 

She scanned the room quickly, knowing she’d misplaced her mobile and the landline was not connected. A nauseating smile spread across his face. 

“With what?” 

He spoke so slowly and quietly, his tone so even that she may have considered him totally sound of mind- If it wasn’t for the large kitchen knife in his hand. Her eyes landed on something silver protruding from his jean pocket. He appeared to have already located her phone. He realised she’d clocked it and shook his head as he walked towards her slowly. 

“Don’t act all innocent. As if you don’t know what you’ve done. You filthy dyke. And now.... you’re going to pay for it” 

He was momentarily distracted by a sound from the adjoining house. Bernie. Serena’s chest rose and fell quickly. What the hell had he done to her? She lurched forward in an attempt to snatch the knife from his grasp, but he was too quick. She yelped in pain as her head crashed back into the solid wooden door frame. She saw her reflection in the blade and realised she would probably never see her beautiful, magnificent Bernie ever again. She looked towards the connecting wall involuntarily.

“Oh she’s not coming to help you... she’s beyond helping anyone now... I’ve taken care of that”

He feigned sadness. Serena felt sure that she was about to be sick and tipped her head backwards gently. 

“What..what have you done to her?” 

She stuttered breathlessly, putting all of her energy into preventing horrific images from materialising in her brain. She silently prayed that she wasn’t suffering. Her beautiful Bernie. The woman who’d appeared in her life as a total surprise but had changed everything. In the short time since, she’d filled her mind and her heart with a beautiful, all encompassing love. At that moment she decided she’d do anything for that woman. She’d lay down her life for her. She’d lay down her life just to see her one more time. Tears spilled down her red hot cheeks as she decided she was most probably too late. 

The sharp end of the knife met with goose pimpled skin.

Intoxicated by adrenaline she could barely fathom what what happening. But there was noise and people and he was being dragged away from her, swearing and shouting, a barrage of homophobic abuse flying towards her. But the physical pain was practically non existent. She clutched her chest. There was blood... but the cut was skin deep. Paramedics were trying to ground her, examine her, ask her questions. The emergency services had materialised seemingly from nowhere. How on Earth did they know? Gathering her thoughts took an immense amount of effort. Forming words was harder but there was something she needed to get out- someone worth fighting for.

“Next door. Please, there’s a woman who...”

“It’s ok. She’s ok. Your friend was the one who called us.” 

It took everything in her not to collapse to the ground with relief. Bernie was ok? She’d see her again? Touch her, hold her? She could wait no longer. She needed her.

“Im alright. There’s nothing wrong with me. I need to... I need to see her” 

Bernie too was sat with a paramedic. Her eyes met with Serena’s as she entered and she let out a painful sob.

“Your friend is still battling the after effects of a recreational drug. She’ll be ok.. there’s not a lot we can do to help her. She needs rest and plenty of fluid.” 

It seemed like an age until they left, after she’d promised to remain with Bernie and complete a police interview the following day. She closed the door behind them and let out a sigh. She could finally do what she needed to. 

“Hey, sweetheart” 

She wrapped her arms around Bernie’s trembling body and pulled her close,allowing her to rest her head on her chest. 

“Serena..? I.. thought I’d lost you”

Bernie’s words were slow and slurred and Serena smiled at her affectionately, stroking her hair off her face. 

“You’re not going to loose me Berenice. Not ever.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s been arrested. He’s never going to hurt you again... its over Bern.”

She raised her head and kissed Serena gently. Serena allowed the tears to spill freely as Bernie rested her forehead against her own, snaking her arms around her neck. Weakness soon came over her and she lolled back in Serena’s arms, stroking her lovers temple lazily. 

“Come on angel, let’s get you to bed” 

She led her into her bedroom, supporting her with both arms. She undressed her gently- unable to resist kissing the exposed skin of her shoulders. She reached into the drawer from pyjamas but Bernie shook her head in protest. She was glad. The feeling of their bodies pressed against each other was like nothing she’d ever experienced, what she wouldn’t give to savour this moment for the rest of her life.

“Bernie, we can’t stay here”

She whispered into the darkness. 

“Jason is with Edward. Your children will be ok with their aunt for a while?”

“Yes... Serena... there’s nothing I want more than to get away from here for a while but..”

Serena pressed her lips against Bernie’s, ‘shushing’ her in the kindest way possible.

“It’s alright. I have somewhere we can go. We’ll scrape together the train fare. We’ll be alright me and you... I promise you love.”

“As long as we’re together. That’s all that matters.”

Their arms and legs intertwined, knotting together tightly, lips meeting gently under the cocoon of the heavy duvet. 

“Go to sleep darling. Everything’s alright now. I’m here. I’m here”

Serena rubbed Bernie’s back as her breathing began to relax.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot more pleasant in contrast to the others. Mild smut and use of profanities towards the end.

Although the train was stiflingly hot and stuffy, Bernie would have been quite happy for this journey to carry on forever. Travelling far away from Manchester, hand in hand with the woman she wanted to spend the rest her life with. She turned to Serena who was smiling into the distance. A beam of light hit her face so beautifully that Bernie couldn’t resist leaning over and placing a tender kiss on her warm cheek. Her smile intensified as she stroked Bernie’s unruly fringe away from her forehead so that she could return the gesture. 

It was early evening when they arrived at their destination and the daylight was all but lost. 

“Are you sure you know the way?” 

Bernie asked gently, prompted by Serena’s serious expression. 

“I think so. The campsite isn’t far from here- just a short walk. It’s been such a long time” 

“You used to come here as a child, right?”

Serena nodded and for a moment, a sad smile shadowed her face. Bernie squeezed her arm but decided not to pursue the subject further. Perhaps she’d bring it up another time. 

Since stepping off the train Bernie had been shocked and almost intoxicated by the ‘stillness’ and isolation of her surroundings. Just her and the woman she loved, with rolling hills as a backdrop and the sound of the ocean swaying gently, not too far away. It was such a delicious contrast to the chaos of Manchester. The harshness of her previous life. 

The desolate road was so dimly lit that they almost missed the entrance to the campsite. It was adorned by no fancy signage or bright lights. This was a far cry from the brash campsite she’d visited some years previously on her only ever holiday with Marcus and the children. No noisy kids club or creepy animal mascots. No thump of insufferable club music. No memories of the pain and humiliation of the first time her husband had ridiculed her in from of the children. 

“Mummy is fucking USELESS” 

8 year old Cameron had mimicked that night. 

So the memories remained but she vowed to push them into the box at the back of the memory and nail it shut. Along with the first 40 years of her life. 

Serena snaked her arm around her shoulders lazily as they stepped into a rather untidy, stale smelling reception office. A lady, who could have quite easily been in her 90’s, peered at them, over the top of a well thumbed Catherine Cookson novel. She Abandoned the book and appraised them as they approached the counter. Serena unhooked her arm. 

“I booked a caravan last night? Serena Campbell?” 

The woman frowned and turned her attention to a file labelled ‘bookings’. Bernie didn’t suppose that business was booming in fact she had been entirely surprised that any campsite, here in a seemingly forgotten corner of Scotland had been open at that time of the year. 

Bernie slipped her hand into serena’s as they made the short walk to their caravan. The paused to look out over the view of the rocky beach below. Bernie gasped as Serena caught hold of her face in both hands and grinned when she pressed her lips against hers. She pulled back after a blissful few seconds and surveyed Bernie’s face. 

“Are you happy sweetheart?”

Bernie took a deep breath and allowed the emotion to show in her eyes. This woman was breaking her guard down and unbelievably, she didn’t mind. 

“I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so happy. So content. You were right. It’s gorgeous here!” 

“You’re gorgeous.” 

Serena said. Bernie watched a glint of what she could only describe as pure naughtiness flash into serena’s eyes. 

“And now we’re here... in the middle of nowhere, with no prying eyes...”

Bernie waited. Serena’s mouth became level with her ear and she lowered her voice to a sultry whisper. 

“I can do whatever I want to you” 

Bernie felt her insides flutter. A knot of almost uncontrollable desire built up in her stomach as she watched her girlfriend fumble with the lock. 

“I think the doors stuck!” 

“Here, stand back!” 

Serena watched in amazement as Bernie fiddled with the key, then pushed the door open, apparently with ease. Once in the comfort of their new residence, Bernie slipped off her jacket, helping Serena to do the same. Without saying a word she pushed her lover backward onto the fitted sofa and climbed onto her lap. Her hands were quickly occupied popping open the buttons on serena’s blouse. 

She was shocked at just how confident Bernie had become, here, away from the stress and pressure of her previous life. She realised that in her presence, Bernie was totally comfortable. 

She dragged her hands down her girlfriends body slowly, unable to tear her gaze from her entrancing deep brown eyes. 

“So. What is it exactly, that you would like me to do to you Ms Wofle?” 

Bernie swallowed and pressed her hot mouth against serena’s ear lobe. 

“I want you to fuck me.”


	15. PART 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disrespectful language, profanity, sexism and mild homophobia towards the end.

PART 2 

Bernie smiled as she gazed at the sunset over the placid ocean. She decided that she’d never felt quite so calm and content in her entire life. 

“Bern?” 

She was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of her girlfriend’s velvety voice coming from somewhere behind her, out of sight. 

“Yes?” 

“Come here sweetheart?” 

She followed the sound of gentle humming into the bedroom where Serena stood by the mirror, clad in a pair of black jeans and an accidentally matching bra. She held two blouses by coat hangers, trying them against her curvy frame. Bernie couldn’t suppress a grin. 

“Wow.”

The sound escaped her lips involuntary. She blushed and cursed herself. She wished she could stop doing that. 

“Which one?” 

“I think you look quite marvellous without any” 

“The other patrons in the restaurant may not appreciate that. Which one?” 

Bernie had never had a particular interest in fashion. She found it constrictive and somewhat boring. Marcus had always had a penchant for choosing her clothes, something that had made her blood boil. Just another way to mold her into the woman he wanted. A woman she could never be. Her heart warmed at the knowledge that that whole part of her life was over. She could wear whatever she wanted, whatever she liked. 

“Serena. You look beautiful whatever you wear.” 

She was telling no word of a lie. She paused for a minute, knowing that her girlfriend was craving her input. 

“Ok. The white one” 

She aided her in buttoning up the garment, enjoying the feel of the silk against her fingertips. She nodded at her handy work, tingling as she took in the sight before her. She turned around slowly to appraise herself in the full length mirror. Her tight black jeans hugged her slim waist. Her dark top contrasted with her patterned scarf. Serena told her it drew out her eyes- a sentiment she appreciated but didn’t quite understand. She brushed her hair with her fingers and applied light blusher to her cheeks. In that moment, she realised that she’d been mistaken for the first 40 years of her life. He had lied. She was enough. 

“Oh Bern. You’re a sight for sore eyes! Look at you!” 

For the first time in her life she didn’t feel the need to protest, to turn away in embarrassment. Because what Serena said was genuine and heartfelt. 

Aside from romantic, lust punctuated walks along the beach, the women had not yet ventured from familiarity of the caravan park. That night, they’d decided to head to a pub in the nearby village, for dinner and drinks- an experience they had not yet shared as a couple. An experience that Bernie had seldom had in her life. 

They walked the short distance arm in arm, huddling together for warmth. 

“I’m not sure we’re going to get a summer this year” 

Bernie pondered, pulling her jacket around her small frame. 

“I don’t care. I have all of the sunshine I need right here” 

Serena replied simply, making her girlfriend chuckle. 

“You’re so cheesy. Definitely hoping to get lucky tonight!” 

She joked.

Serena adored the warm smile that lit up the other woman’s face. Pleasure radiated from her. Her cheeks were positively glowing. This was a moment she was unwilling to let pass. She wanted to preserve this picture for the rest of her life. She reached into her shoulder bag for her camera phone and keyed in her passcode, brining the icons to life. 

It was then that her bubble of serenity was pierced. The safe, happy case of glass she had built around herself and her girlfriend was shattered. Her body temperature rised as she fought to keep her expression neutral. She had no desire to inflict panic and fear onto the woman she loved so dearly and all things considered, Bernie had been through enough in her opinion. She’d promised her faithfully, that night in her bed, as she’d caressed her naked, shivering body as the after-effects of an unknown drug flooded her; that the heartache was over. That they’d make a new life, together, far away from those disgusting terraced houses. Far away from the source of her misery. She’d never been one to break promises and wasn’t about to change her principles now. 

“Hurry up ‘rena. My face is aching!” 

She forced herself to chuckle and rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. 

“Patience! My phone has frozen” 

She added the last bit quietly, as an after thought, excusing her delay. 

Three simple words, sent from an unknown number muddied her screen. 

YOU WILL PAY. 

......................................................................  
Marcus- Manchester. 

‘What kind of man does she take me for? Does she truly believe that she can poach my wife from under my nose, corrupt her and then live without repercussions? If she wasn’t such a lying, cheating little bitch I’d almost feel sorry for the blonde job. Silly cow knows no better. She was an easy target for that predatory dyke. I can’t deny a certain amount of responsibility for what has happened. I allowed her to become bored and lonely. I should have given her another baby. She’d have protested but she doesn’t make the decisions. If I’d have impregnated her she would have had no choice. Perhaps that’s what I’ll do when she is back. She has wronged me and consequences will be served in due course. But the object of my burning anger is the other one. The home wrecker. I will not let this lie. She will pay.’


	16. Chapter 16

The pair left the restaurant as they had arrived, arm in arm. Almost immediately the heavens opened above them, drenching them through to the skin within seconds. Though she’d tried her hardest to free her mind of the threatening text message she’d received earlier that evening, a decidedly unpleasant feeling of anxiety was swimming around in her stomach. For the first time in months she heard her mother’s voice, playing from a sullen corner at the back of her mind. 

‘Nothing lasts forever Serena. All situations are temporary.” 

Once, that sentiment had been comforting. It terrified the life out of her now. She looked down at Bernie’s warm little hand, clutching her own and prayed that this was an exception. At that moment, she decided that there was only one thing she wanted from the future. The assurance that this beautiful relationship would last forever. That she’d love and be loved by this wonderful woman for eternity. 

“Rena? Why are you so tense all of a sudden?” 

She should have known that the ever attentive Bernie would detect a change in her mental state. She must try harder. She would not have her girl burdened by this. She thought fast.... she’d always been good at that. Painting on a smile when she wasn’t feeling joyful? Not quite so much. 

“I’m just bloody freezing!” 

It wasn’t a total lie- the sharp torrents of rain were icy cold, a ferocious wind bellowing through the vast mountain range that surrounded them. Bernie was enjoying living in a sheltered valley. The imposing structures told her that her and Serena were safe, protected, hidden. She loved being beside the sea too and had always found the waves incredibly calming. That night though, it was wild. The waves fought the wind, crashing against the shoreline angrily. Bernie walked slowly, taking in her surroundings with hunger, almost in awe. She cursed the fact that she’d wasted so many years penned into that insufferable flat: miserable; suffocating under the restraint of her husband. She didn’t dwell on it. She’d found her happiness and wasn’t prepared to fritter away another second on worry or regret. 

Serena tugged her arm impatiently. Usually she savoured every second she had to spend with her girlfriend but that night she was desperate to be locked into their cozy caravan; to peel off her sodden clothes and crawl beneath the duvet- leaving the rest of the world to the storm outside. 

Bernie had insisted on taking the coastal path back to the caravan and Serena had not protested- keen to keep up the pretence of normality. She stopped abruptly and turned, pushing a strand of hair away from her ear. 

“Did you hear that?” 

“Bernie.. Bernie where are you?” 

She turned slowly, to confirm what she already knew. Her girlfriend was no longer beside her. She shivered violently as a gust of wind threatened to knock her off her feet. It proceeded to crash through the branches of a nearby tree, the sound doing nothing to cure her nervous disposition. 

“BERNIE!!! what the hell are you doing?” 

She practically screamed, as her eyes set on the woman she loved once again. Intoxicated by her love of the ocean (and at least a bottle of wine) Bernie had wandered off to the cliff edge. She gazed out to sea, transfixed by the moonlight on the waves, her eyes lingering on the quickly disappearing horizon. She startled as serena’s arms encased her, pulling her backwards, into herself. 

“I wish you wouldn’t stand so close to the edge! Especially with this wind!” 

“Ahh- my very own superhero!” 

She teased. She tossed her head back playfully, giddy with alcohol and excited by the raging storm. 

Serena jumped as her phone vibrated in her pocket. Anger pulsed through her, momentarily masking the fear. Bernie deserved this happiness. This new found freedom. He’d ruined enough of her life. She felt the vibration again. Her first clenched around her plastic case. She stared down into the roaring waves, unblinking. Was there a chance that he could somehow be tracking her, through the location on her phone? Could she toss it into the ocean and make it look like an accident? No- she might need it. She shuddered and stepped further back...She’d never learnt to swim. 

“Come on sweetheart. Let’s get inside. I can’t wait to have you in my arms.” 

Bernie smiled lazily and allowed herself to be lead into the warmth. 

 

......................................................................  
Marcus 

‘I wonder what they’re feeling- right now? Are they feeling happy? Content? I used to feel content. Are they amused? Are they laughing at me? I don’t find it funny. Does she think she’s won? I never loose. I will not loose. I will have the last laugh. That is a lesson Berenice has already learned. She’s laughed at me before- ‘trying to deflect the tension’ she said. I laughed in her face that night, as she refused to meet my eye. She was frightened and I liked it. And I hated it. And I won. And I’ll win again.’


End file.
